R U M I N A T I O N S

2011-12-14T07:58:00.000-08:00

'I wanna die...please kill me' said he. Choked emotions poured out, the seed had never been this hopeless before.

2011-12-13T06:17:00.000-08:00

The sprouting seed's agony is oblivious to the world around, for he is buried deep down in the lap of mother earth. His tears are rendered inconspicuous by the darkness i.e. absence of light. The light, that nurtures and harbors. The darkness seems like eternity and yet the seed nurses hope of growth...

Mirage

2011-09-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

Rusty snuggled up against my legs, indulging in the warmth. I caressed his lustrous coat, affection glittered in his jet black eyes “You so enjoy that Rusty don’t you? Naughty doggie, now move away and have your meal”. He whimpered “Rusty I want to reminisce, please!” his eyes had those pleading looks “So very smart of you! OK you are my best friend, if you want to be here then sit quietly!” He quickly curled up near the chair and looked at me with raised eyebrows. I cleared my throat, adjusted my spectacles, closed my eyes and focused on the gentle back and forth motion of rocking chair. “What a journey!” I marvel and smile. I opened my eyes and pulled a bronze shaded hardback photo album. The album’s title read ‘Golden Era-Bronze conceals Gold'; this intriguing title had captivated me many moons ago and I bought it right away from an antique shop .

My wrinkled fingers browsed the ‘Golden Era’ embossing. I wasn’t very much into preserving pictures for memories sake in those days. For me, memories were meant to reside in hearts rather than being frozen on paper prints. A picture in print was an indication of ‘end of physical proximity’; despite of harboring those beliefs I don't know why I purchased that album.

Sigh…I have had a fairly satisfactory journey so far. I have a superb family, met remarkable people and had endearing friends. Granddaughter, my little princess visits me every weekend. She keeps me going in the twilight of my life. In an old age home, it gets monotonous at times for there are same old wrinkled faces all around. Young blood is inimitable. That reminds me of my University days. How we girls spent hours in ‘Bird Watching’:P Nowadays, it's the buoyancy of my spirited buddies that keeps me going at this place, i glanced at Rusty. Rusty was four months old when i saw him for the first time at my friend's place. His innocent eyes had entranced me. She was looking for an owner and i being a gracious soul adopted him. And my of course, my Princess, I am reliving my childhood days with her and she says she aspires to be like me. I coax her to be herself and carve her own niche identity.

Teleportation is the best scientific innovation so far. It is so magical! I mean all you have to do is imagine and Huf-Puf! You land at that place! Star War style. The other day I had those shopping cravings so guess what! I landed in streets of Paris and bought an elegant Hat and a pearl necklace :P And Hey! Its Mercy’s birthday today, let me ‘Face time’ with her. Switched off! Sigh! She was a ‘good friend’ once upon time. Though, she still is but our definitions of ‘Good Friend’ got unsynchronized as time passed by. The equations got somewhat imbalanced and things were never the same again. And with others as well the gaps grew. We all try and meet once near the lake on last Saturday of each month, some make it, some don’t. I somehow knew all along that a phase would come when intimacy would gradually fade and yet deep inside I was worried. It finally happened and we all are living with it. I am still fond of my gang, they've made me the person that I am today and we all have a hearty laugh reminiscing old times.

Rusty is getting irritated “Sit down boy; I am not so young you see!” I guess I’ll have to take him out for fresh air, he's not at all patient.I glanced at the bronze book ‘Next time Darling’ and the album went back to the shelf. I wore my ‘not so new, not so old’ hat, walking shoes and grabed the umbrella. Rusty and I face the mirror "Man! i still have that charm :P" Wink! Wink! I close my eyes and Huf-Puf!

Wavey mind!

2011-05-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I am so pissed off with me and others. I don’t know why I am feeling so let down. The recurring phenomenon of bad dreams has started corroding my psyche. I have heard that dreams are a reflection of subconscious mind so that implies that something somewhere within is just not right. But who’s going to sort out this mess? To clean up all one has to plunge in deep shit and am not very willing to do that. I just want to forget all and let things be and am hoping that this approach works. Period!!

There are times when I turn in and start observing the perennial wave of thoughts in order to tame those. Osho calls for observation of this wave, the observation gradually subdues those and they eventually dissolve in space. This is my mind’s graph. Crests and troughs...straight line again followed by crests and troughs. Strange na!! This instability drives me insane at times, at one moment I am calm as a sea and the next instant I venture into a forest of fantasy or ride on the roller coaster ride of emotions.

What a beautiful garden our mind is!! I want to take walk, there I go :) Cya

Nearing the quarter milestone...Shit

2011-05-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

Life…beautiful and a bit messy: P I have almost made it to the quarter milestone of life’s my journey and I don’t know how many more such milestones are to be traversed. Shit! It’s like a simple labyrinth. I almost have all that I had wished for (or do I?), intentionally or otherwise. A job...Check and hey I so wanted to work for PwC and yes am supposedly employed by them, cool environment at work...Check, monthly pay...uhmm can say not bad! But it’s far behind my set target for this milestone. Diamonds...check plus a rider, they are not self bought. A PSP and an ipod... a big question mark! Good friends...Check! Friends for life...uhmm can’t say! Attend a close friend’s marriage...naah not yet. Movie every weekend...forget it! A nice long relaxing holiday...?? A friend to share all at workplace...CHECK! Lucky me...I literally spend my entire day with her 5 days a week! My own car...sighs!! Only in my dream. Personal growth...uhmm yes sort of. Variety in wardrobe...well yes but there’s still lots more stuff to experiment with.

My report card isn’t that bad so Hurray! Look at me! The head is full of crap and shit...see! I so used to play with words and get it all down so effortlessly. Damn! That’s a BIG red mark on my report card. Well, I had ambitions of carving a book in solitude at a nice cottage in a hilly place with a cute kitty by my side. Now, it seems that’s never ever gonna happen. Writing made me feel special and now it seems like an identity crisis to me, thanks to this writer's block. Writing was spiritual for me, I felt centered and connected. At times, I wonder whether I have lost it because of the inflating ego balloon within. I used to be so humble and now I lose my cool so easily. And very often the anger swells up and converts into tears...I so hate that moment. Later on, when I look back at those random outbursts of mine I go like ‘So stupid of me’! My god!! The last one was so...forget it!!

Here I go,stuck in the middle again. I wish there was a medicine to cure this writer’s block...Shit!

Obama did it!

2010-11-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

Yes Obama did it! And India reveled in the pleasure. India and Obama make a fantastic pair.This relationship has finally hit a new high. Both are going around and painting the town red (read Media). For long, India has been trying hard to seduce America and outwit the charms of courtesan Pakistan. I’d like to believe America still has a soft corner for Pakistan, though these days it can’t help but be allured by the oomph of this Young, bold and brazen country. Media is going berserk with this liaison. By telecasting this affair they have got sumptuous fodder to feed the hungry common man cow. Newspapers could finally put the ink in their publishing machinery to good use. Columnists and of course bloggers like me have got intellectual matter to ponder upon and exercise those indolent creative cells in brain.

Speculations of this visit by the head of the most powerful country in the world started since the day Obama took those Presidential vows. Will he or won’t he? Considering the fact that Clinton and Bush notched up their popularity charts by landing here in India, the news of his November visit hardly came as a surprise. Clinton was a charmer. His charisma won him millions of hearts and that million included mine too :P I was in school then and Clinton was fresh out of this Lewinsky scandal. Lucky Lewinsky, I don’t blame her at all. My school friends used to tease me about that since Lewinsky and I share the first name. I confess blog, I secretly enjoyed those taunts and those Monicaaaa oh my darling lines!! That reminds me of my school friend Yukti, she still writes those lines on FB. Love you Yukti :)

Bush’s visit didn’t create that magic and flutter. After all, it’s difficult to match up to Clinton’s standards. His visit to ITC Maurya’s Bukhara raised that place to another league. I am hoping I get to visit that place one fine day and savor that famous Clinton platter. Such futile and worldly dreams I have no! Cut back to present. Obama and Michelle’s trip enchanted us and we wanted the fairy tale to go on and on. Obama’s oratory skills are eminent and he added zing to his speech by referring to Vivekananda, Gandhi and Ambedkar. Applauds in Parliament and repeated telecasts of his profound speech made me proud to witness this historic moment. The moment that catapulted India into a new league. Obama initially acted pricey, he had that difficult to be pleased and snotty aura around him. However, his speech indicated that he has accepted India’s proposal and is ready for the next step.

I marvel at the games these dignitaries and high profile people play. They know how to fixate their images in minds of people and conquer their hearts. All they have to do is sprinkle their speech with certain ‘personalized references’ and everyone concerned will surly sit up and take notice. Everyone loves attention isn’t it? It’s all about playing the right cards to captivate and then etching out an image in the hearts of public. Looking at it practically, he promised nothing great to India. Just a few assurances as per my knowledge and a few deals here and there. Oh I forgot!! Assurances do weigh a lot when they come from the most powerful man in the world. It is hoped that his next trip includes his daughters as well. Be our guests!!Atithi Devo Bhava

I have time on my side...

2010-11-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

Sweetheart

I have so many things on my mind right now! Phew!! Yesterday night I was contemplating an introspective kind of post for you. But then today’s day turned out to be pretty eventful. I’d like to share a few tit bits with you.

I wanted to spend my last holiday in peace at home, maybe catch up with pending reading stuff. However, fate had other plans for me…Now! I hadn’t anticipated the velocity and force of the so called plans. Here it goes...

It was a long drive to my cousin’s place and the drive on a November morning was a pleasure. I believe Delhi is at its best in November and December. There was a slight nip in the air and the smog due to Diwali was persistent this morning as well. A signboard that said ‘Connect with Life’ caught my eye. “I am already connected to life, in fact, I am hooked:D “I told myself assertively. Two semi naked kids were offering marigold flowers to Ganesha and Laxmi idols on a footpath near a traffic signal. They had that naive look on their faces. Meters ahead I saw an aged couple dodging cars, supporting each other and walking hand in hand. “I have seen and grabbed all, don’t want to live that long” I wondered. “Oh! Now don’t get started again”, “Got the stones, now all my wishes have been granted, can die in peace!” “Uff, there’s a lot to be explored, time knows when you’ll breath last so shut up and let it play it’s game, till then enjoy the bliss in each moment” Sigh. See! Several sides of me!

Finally I landed at my first destination. “Hey you look smarter than before!” Mind said ‘Tadda Danger ahead’. After we all were settled down and done with the greetings and niceties bang came the grand missile shots. An elder cousin casually asked “Are you single or are you going around with someone?” “Still single!! That’s boring”. Megha you are a dead duck! She has apparently shortlisted a ‘Smart and a handsome guy’ for me.”Please!I don’t want to”. “He too cribs like you! Don’t worry he will settle down in a year or two…I just wanted to let you know”. “Is he your friend?” “No just a colleague of mine”. Megha Ignore!! “Btw when do you intend to…” “Not now atleast! 3-4 years later may be” “Hmmmmmmmmmm”. Phew! Thank god! I successfully dodged those missiles. It got over then and there but somehow I knew that this was not the end.

Take Two!! Sabse badhe vale chacha. “How’s the work going? You are permanent now right!” “Permanency does not belong to the dictionary of private sector”. So, he asked my dad “Is she ready?” He looked at me, I looked the other way. “Ask her” and all eyes were on me. The spotlight was on me like in Yash Raj’s Dil toh Pagal ha.I had that “Kya ha” look on my face. “Not now”. Then “When?2 months, 6months?” “3 years” “Naa! That would be too late” “I had a proposal from a family friend, the guy is in TCS with a really good package. He won’t wait that long”. Who cares I wondered. And moreover TCS !! That bloody company has rejected me twice. I have pledged to never ever be associated with that company. Ughh!! I am still a naïve kid, why are these people in such a hurry. My cousin probably knew what was going on in my mind because she too had those same dilemmas few years back. “Megha I understand your concerns, but you see you’ll have to compromise once you cross the 25 barrier. Then you’ll have to ultimately go for Uncle Type’s. I don’t want to see you compromising.” Then she supported her arguments with examples of her friend and friend’s friend who are still single and looking because they had tantrums like me. “I have career issues, am still not sorted.”The end.

Take three!! The next chacha. Aunty was complaining “I have all the time and money to explore new places but my knee pain doesn’t permit those explorations!” I casually told mom “See, this is my age to see new things, later on I will also complain like this. So take me to new unexplored destinations” “Get married and explore the world with your hubby” exclaimed my cousin who’s five days younger than me. “Hello, now you don’t start off…why don’t you get hitched?” “I am a guy and you are a girl and moreover I’ll marry a younger girl so you see I have years. You, my sister are already late” “Kyaa!! Don’t you worry!” “I am your brother! Who else will worry” “Later we’ll talk about this not now” “Tere ko koi pasand kyun ni aata! Choose your own guy, life would be easier for your parents also”. I choose to stay quiet. For one, why should I settle so early! I am still so kiddish. This is one reason I avoid social gatherings. Moreover, I absolutely abhor the formalities and these people will object to my ideas. I’ll be absconding for sure :P that’s my crazy bollywoodish idea. Blog keep this a secret sssssssshhhh What an eventful day today was!! Loved the ups and downs :P Am still in the don’t care mood regarding marriage vows. I have time on my side…amen :)

Shopping dilemmas

2010-09-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

It’s been a long gap and why? I had no stuff to ponder upon apart from all my negativities. Great! I guess for now I am away from all that. I just don’t want to give importance to self doubts; they can wait for the time being. Let us get going with the good stuff! Wohoo!

It’s been raining incessantly since morning and the sound of rain drops splattering on the roof is music to ears. Very often, this sound gets drowned in daily melancholy and we miss out on it. We are so tangled up with our non-sense chain of thoughts that we are unable to savor nature’s nectars. Freshly polished leaves glisten in the sun’s light. The mischievous mind starts racing again. Here, there and everywhere. I think our thoughts can easily surpass the speed of light, be it in air or vacuum. What an efficient factory our mind is! There are visions, impulsive cravings, positive, stable and negative notions. Cravings and visions inspire our actions. Actions in turn trigger reactions. Reactions fuel more thoughts and so on. I don’t really want to delve into philosophical realms as of now though this weather is conducive for such philosophical deliberations. May be I am beginning to take this ‘dadi ma’ term a bit seriously.

Let’s talk young: P Yesterday evening I went shopping with a dear friend. I must say, an evening well spent. I remember few harried faces of husbands and boyfriends who had tagged along with their partners. The expressions on their faces hahaha…my God! “Yes this is good, take it and let us go” said he and the discontented female goes like “No! This is too simple, tell me na…how about this?” .I marveled at both of them. The man, who was blindly giving opinions without even caring to look at the object in question and the ever confused female who couldn’t make up her mind and was asking for approval from a disinterested companion. Who’s to be blamed? I would say both. We girls are as always Confused! Most of us are not comfortable with our bodies. Either we are too short, too thin, too fair(Yes!), too dark or too tall and how can I forget too fat! On top of it, not many of us can visualize the outfit on our bodies. It takes a trial to accept or reject an outfit; of course trials are important so as to check the fit but we have a tendency to carry tons of them for trial. Sigh! It gets too tedious for the male companion waiting outside and then again he nods half heartedly “Looks fine” and she goes like “Naa! I don’t like it, let me show you the other one and please get me a smaller size for this one in the mean time”. I so pitied that guy. He was carrying a baby in his arms, poor thing! How boring it must have been for the baby as well. There was another interesting scenario, a lady was choosing lingerie and was taking opinions from her man. He looked a bit embarrassed and was like “Good, let’s go”. I mean come on, she is the one who’s going to wear it and she has to take a call on fit and comfort. How in the world would he know?

Now, let me take a look from the other side of the fence. We girls proudly acknowledge the fact that we can’t make up our mind easily when it comes choosing for self. So, that’s why we tag along our partners or friends so that they help while short listing garments. Generally, we avoid girl friends because they never ever give true opinions. They get jealous easily and we are apprehensive of their choices (“She wears such nice outfits but while shopping she picks up third class items for me, why is she so jealous of my figure! Bitch!”). So, we prefer male company. They are straight forward and we are always the “most beautiful woman in the world “for them. They flaunt us to the world. So, we deserve a nod of approval from them don’t we? We painstakingly shortlist sexy, bright and elegant outfits and all that we ask for is their nod for the best amongst those. The one that would flatter our figure, conceal that puppy fat and makes us feel like “the most beautiful woman in the world”. While short listing we get confused. The color of one is nice, the style of other is nice and cut of the other is flattering and so on. So one by one we try on the garments and look at you for your suggestions. You nonchalantly say “Yes, baby you look gorgeous in this” to all. “How in the world can you say that? Are you color blind or what? Can’t you make out that I look fat in this?”There in lies the problem. You guys ought to be frank and be man enough to say “This makes you look fat!” Rather than nodding blindly to all.
Amazing! Both the parties are right in their own way, can’t blame either of them.

All I will say is, Guys be patient and be frank! Girls, don’t let the variety get to your head, pick wisely(Again, can’t help the Dadi trait :P). I hope my friend is not going to kill me for this. Though, I’d like to believe that I was patient and frank with my opinions. I too belong to the fairer sex and have my own share of confusions and nakhras:P(See, I am so honest). I think I would make a perfect style consultant. That would be like the best job in the world :D

PS- This was a nice hatke post! Blog I hope you love this one :)

Futile and fruitful life

2010-08-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog

Look at me! Waves of restlessness are creating havoc in mind’s abode, trembling hands, sleep disturbed by persistent nightmares and a void created by an asteroid called “ennui”. Ain’t I sick? No I’d like to believe. I am cool, mast and bindaas. I know I’ll somehow manage to sail through this storm and hit the shore. Everyone is doing it and I am equally capable. However, the BIG QUESTION is am I hitting the right shore? I don’t know whether it’s too late or too early to ask this question. They say everything in life happens for good and I realize that somewhere down the line I am living the kind of life that I had visualized years back. I somehow knew that I would eventually end up in this field and would be doing this kind of work. But now, at this stage, I apprehend that I don’t want to be doing this forever. This is not aligned with my current vision.

N number of years later I see myself as a contended person, done with all my whims and fancies, sipping in the scenic beauty of hills and living a fruitful life rather than existing selfishly. I want to be able to make a difference to the life of others in a positive way. I confess, today I am living a selfish life. I slog so as to earn. Money that I end up spending on my impulsive useless materialistic luxuries. How mean of me!! I don’t even require those things and I rarely use them, but still I purchase them in an attempt to fill up the small gaps in void. In the process, those gaps are replaced but new bigger holes are also created. I do realize that this kind of happiness is shallow and momentary. The source of perennial happiness is within me and I am yet to discover that.

It seems my mid life crisis has hit me in the first half. At times, I get this feeling that I am living a worthless and a futile life. I am not useful to anyone at all, so why not end it. I want to meet my grandparents and my mama up above. But then the emotional ties stop me. I don’t want to be a source of pain and agony to all those who cherish me.

I know this is a passing phase and tomorrow shall bring new surprises with it. So sorry my dear blog, I am writing all crap out here. But then you are one of those who has silently stood up to me in dark phases and I can see the reflection of my past in you.
Love you :)

2010-07-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Allah,I seek refuge from my alter ego. She bullies me, mocks my beliefs and jeers my hopes. I avow “This is not me”; “I am you dear, no running away from me. I am your present, past and future”. I conjecture she’s going to be my companion throughout my life span. So I better be on good terms with her rather than brood over her presence. It’s not that I detest her. She’s follows me everywhere, I walk she walks behind me, I stop she stops. She is here there and everywhere in my being. Indulgence is her forte. She pampers me like a queen and makes me believe that “I am special”.

However, when clocks tick tocks in darker milieus she vanishes in thin air.”O dearest form! Whither thou escapeth?” I wish to seek solace, yet she’s nowhere to be found. With a limp walk I tread on the highway of broken hopes and daunting dreams. I turn back, no traces of her. It’s a moonless night. Howling wolves send jitters down my spine. I pause for a moment and go on.

A bright sunny morning greets me. I turn, WOW! She’s back! “I am not talking to you! Where were you last night? “. She didn’t say a word. “No way! You can’t tag along with me” I exclaim. She’s silent. I give up thinking. Hours passed by and then it flashed to me. It was a moonless night, hence she wasn’t exactly visible. In fact, she was the one who gave me courage to walk on when my feet had frozen in fear. She was the light in my darkest hour.

Got my wings ;)

2010-07-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

Hahahahahaha...what’s with me today? I can’t stop chuckling since morning. Hahahahhahaha...there I go again. The alcoholic monsoon season has intoxicated me. Perhaps my desire has come true :P Last to last week I had naively asked a friend to get me wings from his spiritual trip. Ain’t I crazy? How can a human being fly! Yet I wanted to and I think am flying today. Realllllyyyyyyyyy high up above…not literally yet but that’s how am feeling today. Hahahahhahahaha...am Mad! Wild and what not! And no I haven’t had Red Bull. These wings have evolved naturally. Thank you Veenu :) You fulfilled your promise. I pestered for wings like one idiotic woman that day…unbelievable! And man, today it feels as if I have got those. Blog, however weird and foolish your desires are, don’t sweep them away in a corner.

I want to fly and shit on my superior’s shoulder and manager’s eyes...hahahahahahah wouldn’t that be awesome! Sheesh I don’t want to think about those two and spoil the party. Know what! Want to go somewhere distant…aahh yes I see a giant cliff. Wow! The green valley spread viewed from up above is magnificent. I can feel the piercingly chilly and violent wind brushing past my countenance. Jittery! Impulsively I raise my arms and close my eyes. The adrenaline rush charges me and I jump. The powerful gravitational force comes into play. I am buzzing in to the forest cover down at a lightning fast speed. Whooooooooooooooo......what a rush! And then nanoseconds before I hit the base I steer and accelerate to the right. Soar up high in the sky. The mere imagination of all this gives me a high: P

I so want to go to a jail today and spend a night there. A Fanatical whim! I told you blog, am displaced today and am loving it….hahahahahahaha. What’s with this new found fascination for jails? I think I should get back to driving :P Then this whim too shall be fulfilled ;) Oh God! I need to set an appointment with a psychiatrist ...Hahahahahahaha.

Another foolish desire of mine was to splash in a mud pond. That would have been fun. Alas, it didn’t rain out here. Besides, mum would have had given me those Strict Mommy looks if I did that. However, I made up for the mud thing by eating a mango in the traditional style. Eating with hands and sucking the sweet flesh. It got really messy. My hands were wet with juice; the area around mouth was smeared with mango flesh. I tell u blog, it was fun getting dirty.

The dormant child within me has indeed woken up today dear blog. She wants to play around, giggle randomly, create unnecessary fuss and just do everything impulsively. Hahahahahahahaha can’t stop chuckling today dear blog. 4th July…hmmm Nothing special today yet everything seems so different. My birthday is months and months away and I don’t feel the same on that day. Okk…I should stop thinking over it. Live in the moment! Hahahahahahhhahahahah....and am not drunk blog. Don’t look at me like that :P I am insanely sane and abnormally abnormal. LOLZ and am loooooooovvvvvvving it :D

Weddings, Kites and Photos

2010-05-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

Ahh…The Grand Indian Wedding season is back with a bang! Sheesh…and everyone around me is crazy about it. Crazy about being hitched as well as attending the dos. Wow! What’s with me? Am I the only psycho who gets paranoid when it comes to attending a shaadi ?

It all began last weekend. I saw an invitation card that read 29th May 2010. My first thought was like “Who cares? I don’t even know the groom”. I made it clear to my folks, am not attending this one. I successfully dodged the engagement night. PROUD OF THAT :) Had fun with my buddy at home sweet home. We started planning a weekend trip to some nearby place. That ways, I wouldn’t have to bother about attending the ceremony. And luckily both of us had got a green signal from our respective folks; though with Conditions apply tag. We made our best efforts to convince parties to join us but I guess whatever is destined to happen, happens. It was written in Black letters “Monica will be attending the Shaadi”. And I was trying my best to con this. The trip planning didn’t bear any fruit. I told mum that I don’t want to go, would rather stay home and take rest after a hectic week. I got the following Gyaan from my enlightened family members

“You are not the only person on this planet who works!”

“Everyone was asking ‘Megha kyun nahi aayi’ on Thursday and we don’t want to entertain any more of such queries on Saturday”

“You better get used to attending such dos at this age else it would be problematic later”

“Your friends are much dear to you than family! Why so? No more outings if you don’t come along”

“It’s been ages, catch up with your cousins! It’s healthy for survival in society!”

God! Didn’t have the strength to argue further. So, I told myself “Go Girl! You like the view of parked planes from the expressway, go for that visual treat, and no more boring suits, flaunt your skirt: P“This is how I persuaded my heart to tag along. The shady skies, a gentle cool breeze and the distant cuckooing sound cajoled me to move out. How I wished I could spend that evening with my dear buddies (No meeting this weekend! Sad :|). Moreover, a pampering session with a buddy had lifted up my spirits, had a great time with her.

It was drizzling when we moved out. The settings were perfect for a long drive. Rusty orange sky and tiny rain droplets gleaming in the street light, it was as if Gods up above were whispering “Darling! This for you, don’t be upset”. A lovely song playing on the car stereo made me ecstatic. It’s still reverberating in my head. Still can’t get enough of it!

Breeze ruffled my freshly pampered hair at the venue. “Not very crowded, I should be fine here” I comforted myself. Aunties unknown to me surrounded my folks. I moved away and saw them looking at me warily through the corner of their eyes. Minutes later, the cousins came in to my rescue. It was nice to catch up with them after ages. The bonding that we shared many moons ago was conspicuous by its absence. Geographies have played their game well. I did manage to convince all for a short weekend trip, Hopefully this shall see the light of the day.

PS-Another wedding coming up next week! God Help me!
Shuru ho gayi kahani meri, mere dil ne baat na maani meri...

Nostalgic fever

2010-05-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a relaxing night…simply lying down, no blues to bother me. Feels divine: D Perhaps a friend’s exuberant air has infected me too and I am not complaining. A nostalgic sentiment is sprouting within me yet again. The last examination has aroused the dormant sentimental seeds . Seeds which were rendered inert by the daily hustle bustle and emotional torrents. Words dodge me…“O Evil mind! Quit playing hide and seek”.

I marvel at my college days. Those “Hard on ass” wooden benches (Ouch!) can’t replace the cushioned comfort of ergonomic chairs but I am longing to sit on those benches yet again. The centrally air conditioned environs can’t pacify the ruffled feathers within. I was better off in the humid classroom.

All these thoughts bring about a subtle smile on my face. Thanks to DIAS, I have a fantastic circle of friends. Each one is extraordinary in his or her own way. I feel I am a different person today, a better version of my previous self. The way all pieces of the puzzle have fit in perfectly, astonish me. We are so different, yet we bonded so well(Touch Wood!). Basic chemistry, opposite ions have a greater attractive force! I think we were destined to meet somehow or the other.

Cut back to the present. I think there’s a mystic connection that is evolving and getting better week by week. I have this feeling that I get a whiff of what’s going on in the other’s mind. Very often, when I am thinking of so and so, the phone beeps to announce a text from the very same person. Vice versa too is very common nowadays. Perhaps, I am wrong or may be right! And it’s not just with me; others too can make out my ruminations at times. And am afraid, they hit the bull’s eye: P Wow! Isn’t that awesome? I am loving these mind reading games!

Small adjustments in time schedules so that we meet up at least once in a week, waiting, and then being at your best behavior so as to incite the late comers: P Then going out of the route to drop at door steps, despite of being down and tired. Have no words to express the kind of relationship level we are heading to. I must add, it could be dangerous. God Forbid, saying Good Byes would be harder, way beyond my imagination. Why worry when present is so perfect! I just hope that our bond continues to grow stronger and stronger,weekend by weekend.

PS-I was reading my slam book and God! I exclaimed. Was I that good really? High end words for me written by high end minds!Those were the days…Sigh! Anyhow a great mind had said “Change is the only constant” .Learning to cope up with the change!
Want to write more but words dodge me, i used to write so effortlessly. "CHANGE" :(

Null effect

2010-04-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

Greatest is the man who knows himself inside out. I was under the wrong impression that I knew myself pretty well until yesterday. One of my close friends threw extra luminous light on that area. Caught me at last!! Browsing my previous scribbling in this notebook (where I wrote this in ink) made me sit up and take notice of the quantum leap in my thinking factory. God! I was so good at this writing business in those days. I adore the way I connected and weaved magic into ideas and words. I used to be so connected with the soul within. WOW! Now, I wonder on which street I have lost the number to link within.

On the facade everything looks well and feels great. However when I look closer beneath the lens, it’s all dark. Delving deeper like a curious kid with widened eyes I perceive vacuum and technically it is known as “NULL”. This NULL brings about a “something amiss” sentiment. I eagerly look forward to Friday evening on each day of the week and when it’s the weekend days I no longer enjoy weekend outings the way I used to. Every morning I have to push myself to get to work. There’s absolutely nothing to look forward to in the day. Very often the gravitational force plays with my center of gravity and it sinks to the bottom. This reminds of Archimedes’ principle of buoyancy. To stay afloat a body has to displace fluid equal to its weight. Now, am I not displacing “ “? But then displace what? Waves within are interfering destructively these days. The source of light needs to be aligned properly so as to enable them to interfere constructively. I am so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful and not so wonderful people.

At times I get thoughts like “I want to stay alone few years down the line” and then there are moments when I want to voice my chain of thoughts but I am stuck with “To whom should I narrate?” and then that chain gradually drowns in the sea of NULL. It’s kind of funny isn’t it? Quite similar to the situation of a five year old who wants to narrate his innocuous opinions to an unwilling elder sibling. And when probed further by his granny he has nothing to say. That’s how it is with me these days.

At times my “state of disbelief” shows on my countenance and I have people questioning me. I shrug it off as “nothing, just bored” for I have no words to express the ever expanding vacuum effect. Very often I successfully befool myself but eyes and mirror never lie. Those eyes in the reflection always arrest me. And it’s not just those deep eyes. There are smart friends and family members who somehow catch this strange signal of Null effect. Questions are bowled and I hit them to the off-side. Hahaha…such a “womp” I am. Really, it amuses me and it amuses them as well :P I am treading dangerously on the thin line of trust. But I am loving this game :D Gives me a strange pleasure….Such a “Womp” I am.

2010-03-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Continued...

“There’s something strange about today! “ I wondered. I saw a pair of house sparrows flying past a tree. They are getting extinct day by day and I could not recollect their last sight. A purplish twilight tinge was splashed across the sky in late morning, a bizarre sight. I saw a bright green pair of eyes staring at us. I was startled for a moment. A soft meow appeased my nerves. I gave him a fleeting look from the corner of my eyes. Like me, he too was savoring the nectar bliss of environs. We are so alike I observed, perhaps these similarities triggered those tender feelings and now these very similarities are eating into our alliance I marveled. “A lot has changed in the past one month, you realize that Meghna?” he said. “I do”. An awkward pause ensued. “Ok! Let me get things straight. My affection has divided, I want you to meet her once and see for yourself.Game for it?” He asked fervently. I was expecting those words but I couldn’t contain my shock. I went all blank. “OK, be easy” he exclaimed.

He took out two stones from his pocket and started rubbing them together. I saw the shadow of a horse with wings on soil and the next instant a blue colored Pegasus was landing before us, his white wings flapping in monsoon breeze. “Let’s go for a ride, come”. He took my hand and led me to his vehicle. Pegasus soared high in the sky. I felt my heart thumping and blood racing through the veins. His hands curled up my waist so as to placate me. Wind playing with my curled locks and that whizzing sound enthralled me.

“WOW! Man I love this”. “Let’s go higher up there; I want to touch that cloud”. The Pegasus ascended and it was all foggy around. “Am I dreaming? This is ethereal”. A relaxing feeling was overcoming my being. I felt dizzy and then it all went black.

Water droplets jolted me out of trance. I opened my eyes in a cozy cottage. “You fine dear? Sip this you’ll feel better”. I snatched the tumbler from his hands and smashed it on floor. “Why am I here? Get to the point”. “Look!” He extended a leaf wrapped baby into my lap. “I am cursed with Prestunia. Look at her, she’s such an angel. I call her Alice and she’s a garden fairy.” He was choked. I was speechless. “I have to raise her and am cursed to be a loner, I love you but I can’t escape the curse, hope you know what I mean. I don’t really believe in rebirth , but if I were to be born again then I would want to have a soul mate like you if not you exactly”. “Mister! Done with your high on emotions scene? I dump you and Please! I don’t want a partner like you in my next life”. I got up, glanced at the leaf wrapped baby, walked up to the window and flew out with the baby.

A Walk

2010-03-14T08:31:00.000-07:00

I slung my bag on shoulder and held his hand with renewed warmth. Together we stepped out into a new morning, a morning that shall perhaps open a new chapter in our relationship. Damp sand was imprinted with millions of tiny rain droplets. That invigorating wet earth fragrance evoked tender emotions. Pearl like rain drops on freshly washed green leaves were shimmering in the morning sun. “What a rejuvenating morning after a dull night!” I exclaimed. He smiled his charming smile. The magic was coming alive yet again. Last night was the blackest of all. Our love had died a thousand deaths. His silence pierced a thousand holes in my heart. I was drained by his apathy and had given up on our further association. “This is it, I am walking out tomorrow” I had resolved. Walking out on those 2 years of our association was not an easy decision. I am not the kind of person who once hitched lets go easily. The force of attraction was following the curve of exponential decay. We were no longer fond of each other. Doubts, confusion and monotony had eclipsed our affections. I was cursing myself for having agreed to join him on this trip and give our relationship one last final chance. But this morning was like a crazy dream come true. Probably a garden pixie had whispered goodie goodie things in his ear. I was stunned to see bright shades in his persona. “Come on lazy bum! Let’s go for a walk and iron out all the creases” He exclaimed.

Jet black road bathed by rains last night greeted us. I sensed a strange newness in my surroundings. Was it due to downpour? Or was it my intuition that was whispering “Change will knock your doors soon!”

To be continued...

This kid with bright innocent eyes swept me off my feet.

Different hues of spring

Colors of silence

2010-03-01T05:38:00.000-08:00

The gloss of spring born leaves caught my sight today afternoon. A gentle breeze swayed past those new adornments and produced a soft and melodious sound. A sparrow chirped and added to the notes. The giant blue sky and fluffy cottony clouds completed the scenery. I savored the beauty and tranquility of my surroundings. It was enchanting and intoxicating. Yes, I was getting high. Time just stopped by and I wanted the moment to freeze. An unusual serenity overwhelmed me. Wow! I loved that feeling. It’s not every day that you sit up and take notice of your daily environs. It is there before you, calling you out silently and you choose to look away rather than delving in the magnificence of nature.

Bright and colorful flowers smiled at me. I touched the petals and sensed the smooth and velvety texture. They evoked a spirited feeling and yet they were silent. Their silence spoke volumes of our apathy. I pondered; we humans are so dependent on words. We use words to express our sentiments. These flowers need no words to gauge our temper. They savor our coldness and doldrums without any complaints and demands. No matter what, you’ll always find them jolly.

Black grapes, one of my favorite fruits are a lifelong buddy. Those juicy black pearls rejuvenate my taste buds. It is so magical. Without any squeals they silently crush beneath my teeth and ooze out their nectar. WOW!

We rarely notice the resources at our disposal and acknowledge their presence and importance. They are our silent heroes. I recently paid a visit to the neighborhood cobbler. I was taken aback by his humble persona. Actually I was elated; such kinds of people do exist even today. In the past few days I have come across a number of down to earth souls. People like these, reinforce the fact that bright shades do exist and shine in this largely gray world.

Today is Holi, the festival of colors. Of late I have observed that in a mixed group of boys and girls, boys enjoy splashing colors on a particular girl of their liking :P It has happened with me as well. It's like they get a license to flirt with the object of their affection on holi. This festival does bring people closer :P
A line is playing in my mind, I’ll close this post with that.

Kitni akele thi who rahen…jin par hum chalte rahe

Holding on...

2010-02-21T05:43:00.000-08:00

My love!! I am back. A lot has changed since my last post. I have made my entry in to the corporate jungle. And what a jungle it is! The journey began with a huge set back. A dear friend who was supposed to join with me has found another calling. This further reinforced my belief that relationships are painful indeed. I am still trying to adapt and live with the other fellows. They are nice people and now I think it’s safe to call them friends. The transition from campus to corporate is not easy and so we were made to attend a number of workshops. In one of the workshops we were asked to relate ourselves to a cartoon character and I saw myself as Alice, lost in her own wonderland. Really! I feel kind of lost somewhere. I can’t locate an anchor in this tense storm. Unable to use my wings, am drifting with the strong winds. The nightmares are back to haunt me. The other day I was so frightened that I started weeping. Are the nightmares raising their ugly heads because of my own insecurities? Pooh! I am writing after such a long gap and am vomiting all crap. However, this is my only way to express and introspect.

The last two working days were the best days at the organization. We had “About Me” sessions. We played fun games and even prepared a skit. Now! I never knew that I could act. This was a revelation of sorts. I did justice to my role and got compliments too. However, I wanted to play the seducing manager but I guess I was not assertive enough to take my stand. I saw the mirror in these two days and the reflection was not at all pleasing. In team tasks, I saw myself struggling really hard to make my ideas heard. This frustrated me. I gave up. Friends saw the frustration. I don’t know why people are not willing to listen and treat others with respect. Working in teams is tougher than I had thought before. If this was the trailer, then I am not at all willing to watch the movie. During “value talks” I was choked with emotion. We were told to fill in the goal sheets and I was all blank. I went up to the trainer to clarify my problems regarding attitude goals. My query was a Googly and for a moment he was taken aback. He answered it though and the answer was a shock for me. Those words have disturbed my center of gravity.

Moreover, I believe the jaded feeling that has enveloped me these days is a part of the puzzle. I am fed up of self. This is perhaps the reason for my silly behavior. I am spending money on silly stuff, writing shit (this post) and treating my friends like dirt. I am not a loyal friend. I am unable to relate my notions to them even after their prompts neither am ears to their tribulations.They are incredibly good to me and i don't reciprocate that.

I believe I belong to the league of famous personalities like Van Gogh and Virginia Woolf :P They took their own lives out of boredom or some psychological disorders. Though, in terms of talent I am no where as of now. I have started fearing myself. A black hole is attracting me, however I am still holding on. Holding on to those who care, those who mean the world to me and the simple pleasures of life

My First Love :P

2010-01-27T06:47:00.000-08:00

I have been out of touch with self for long. Haphazard thoughts have been strolling in my mind but I couldn’t draw anything tangible from those or perhaps I didn’t put in much effort. I don’t feel stable and grounded any more. Whenever I try to catch those thoughts, they take to the air. It seems my creative and mental faculties are going astray. Enough of me. I intended to reminisce about my first love and look at the coincidence, the very same notebook in which I jotted down these points had extracts from those days.

Physics was my first serious love. I was enamored by the Classical laws and theories. The affection started sprouting eight years back. But then, I also fancied Mr. Biology and Ms. Geography. Yes divided affection! Finally I picked one and embraced Ms. Physics with open arms. Like every other relationship, I had my share of testing times as well. Alien concepts like Differentiation, Integration, Dimensions and harmonic frequencies intimidated me. At the same time I was awed by relative velocities, Doppler’s effect, static electricity and particularly electromagnetism. The coefficient of friction tamed my steps on the greasy path of this association. I took in to alpha, mew, beta, gamma, theta like ABCD. The phenomenon of interference astonished me. I see it around me and within me. Each thought has a frequency and wavelength associated with it, which in turn are inversely proportional to each other. There are several thoughts racing around in our psyche at any instant. The wavelengths of these thoughts may superpose constructively or destructively depending on their phase. Whenever we think good of someone, focus on the positives and retain the optimistic outlook, the energy within us amplifies. Or in other words, all the noble thoughts superpose and give us constructive interference. The feel good factor amplifies further and makes us energetic. On the other hand, the ill thoughts of varying wavelength superpose destructively and give us a ‘sapped’ feeling. This reminds me of Newton’s rings experiment conducted in dark room.

Newton’s classical laws are the foundations of the subject. The first law of inertia always reminds me of my indolence. I continue to be in my state of rest or of ignorance unless compelled by an external force of exams to change state. Third law of action and reaction is quiet common in a metropolitan like Delhi. A slight err on the roads in market place leads to reactions like “Bc, Ch#@*”. Then I was familiarized with modern physics. It is entirely based on Probability. Somehow, I wasn’t keen on it. Thus, began the exponential decay of our relationship.

As they say, excess of something or someone is harmful. That is what happened with me as well. The repulsive forces had come into being and the intensity of attraction was reducing progressively. Was it out of ennui? Or maybe it had to do with my “desire for a change”. I didn’t want to continue further with that affair. I grew out of it. We parted ways amiably. No grudges and hard feelings. I am still fond of her but the sentiment is not what it used to be. The first love always remains special and it occupies an exclusive spot in my heart. I am longing for her tonight as I write this. I wish I had a time machine to travel back into those days. Again, as per the postulates of Theory of relativity, one has to travel at the speed of light to turn back time. Possible? What say?

I caught a glimpse of fog through my window last night. Don't know what made me venture out and capture the dreamy night at an insane hour.

2010-01-06T05:53:00.000-08:00

कुछ कहना चाहती थी
मगर लफ्ज़ ज़हन में ही कैद रह गए
तुम्हारी ख़ुशी और गम्म का रस लेना चाहती थी
किन्तु रस भोगने के लिए अपने आइने समान ह्रदय के टुकड़े समेट ना सकी

उस गुपत्गु में दिल्ले बय्याँ करना चाहती थी
मगर तुम्हारी आँखों के नूर पर परछाई नहीं देख पाती
उन कमज़ोर लम्हों में एक सहारे की तालाश थी
लेकिन जिसे हम सहारा समझ बैठे वो एक परछाई निकली

चित के प्रेत दिल और दिमाग पर हावी होने लगे
ख्वाब और नींद भी साथ छोड़ गए
अपने अक्स से नफरत सी होनी लगी थी
खोखली ही सही, मगर तुम्हरी हंसी में हम भी हँसे

तुम्हारे क़दमों से कदम मिला न सके

काश तुमने एक बार मुड के देखा होता

तुम ना सही तुम्हारे साए से ही हम बतिया लिया करते थे

Image sourced from deviantART

A conversation in the dead of night with a friend inspired this poem.

Blue moon night

2009-12-31T07:41:00.000-08:00

He woke up with a renewed vigor that morning. After all, that was the last morning of 2009. The New Year virus had infected him as well. Initially, he was cynical about all this hoopla until the previous night. A phone call changed it all. His best friend had somehow convinced him to turn up at an upscale and supposedly “the most happening place to be at on New Year’s Eve”. “But you despised parties” claimed a voice inside him. He gazed at his mirror reflection. “Let me test the waters and take a dip just this once! After all I am just 25”. “You are gonna regret this man”. “What will I wear? A Stubble or a neat look? Stubble should go well with my look". He perceived an unusual spring in his steps that day. Change is always refreshing and there’s no harm in giving it a chance just one last time. Hours ticked away and it was twilight. “You look dashing!” he smiled at himself. “This night shall rein in a new change”.

He could sense the revelry in the twilight wind. The sky had a purplish enigmatic tinge. The silhouette of eucalyptus against the purplish sky waved at him. The evening was unusually chilly. It was a blue moon night. "A blue moon is a full moon that is not timed to the regular monthly pattern" said the news paper. That big off-white sphere up above gazed at him. He saw a "Mona Lisa " smile on its patchy texture. Alone in the infinity, serene and radiating with full fervor. All he wanted to do was stand there and look at the magical sky. It aroused tender emotions in him. He felt connected, connected with the higher forces that govern the universe. Enchanting! Tears rimmed up his eyes. Noisy music interrupted him. “Ahh! Yes it’s the party tonight and I am invited, better get going”.

It was exceptionally dark in the club. Candles in exotic colorful stands lent the place a hippie ambiance. All he could see were silhouettes swaying to trance music. As his eyes adapted to the darkness, he saw his friend seated on a couch with others. He went up there. There were introductions and conversations started. Exotic cuisines were supplemented with all kinds of drinks.Name it and it was there. Hours passed by.He felt out of place, something was amiss. “Your Attention Deficit Disorder is playing with your nerves, get a life!” He walked up to an isolated and exceptionally dark corner. He saw a couple making out there. They were so into each other that they didn’t care for his presence. He moved away so as to give them “space”. Sigh…”How I wish my girl was with me tonight, we would have had welcomed the 2010 morning together”. He felt an irresistible urge to smoke. He moved out of the premises for a quick smoke.

A group of guys were arguing with bouncers so as to let them in. He saw two girls kissing each other. “No Big Deal!” he thought to himself. Minutes later, he felt his worked up nerves alleviate. “Perhaps, I am a misfit in this puzzle” he told himself. He sat on the pavement. The parking space was fully occupied yet drivers of luxury sedans were honking mindlessly as if that would create a new space for their vehicle out of nowhere. A group of laborers were laughing heartily as they walked past him. Gorgeous ladies dressed in short dresses and long heels were walking into the club. “It’s a December night, don’t they feel cold or what!” He glanced at his Rolex Chronograph and it read 11:25.

“I don’t want to go inside and neither do I want to be stranded on a lone footpath”. On an impulse, he stood up and started walking. The owner of a burger kiosk was winding up for the day. Two men were warming hands on a bonfire of fallen leaves. He saw a tea stall ahead. The cardamom aroma roused him and he sat himself on the sole wooden plank. The radio was playing Shammi Kapoor’s “Yeh Chand sa roshan chehra, zulfon ka rang sunhera …” Two men were playing a game of chess and talking animatedly. “Some Game” he muttered to himself. A young 7-8 year old boy brought his cup. He took in the cardamom aroma and cupped his hands around the warm glass. Hooting sounds could be heard in the distance. He presumed that the countdown had begun. “10, 9, 8, 7….3, 2, 1” “Nayya saal badhai ho bauji” exclaimed the chai vaala. He greeted the chess players as well. He paid a generous tip to the young boy and walked back to the parking lot. The moon was radiating in the black blue sky. He sat on his car’s bonnet and gazed at the 'blue moon'.

A collage of my birthday presents :)

Shivery Snooze

2009-12-11T06:07:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. I didn't really expect anyone to read my last post. I just wrote it for the sake of it. Moreover, i feel that writing in a way unburdens my soul. Alas, a friend and a guest read it. And i am somewhat embarrassed.Fingers crossed this time!

GOD! Last night was worse than the previous one! I am still shaken to the core. Strange and weird i must say.

I was not feeling good. I had this uneasy and breathlessness feeling. Was it due to excessive carbohydrates in dinner? Or perhaps a psychological issue? Moreover,i caught up with "A Haunting" on Discovery before hitting the sack. Signed in to Gtalk to clarify an issue and went to bed. In the middle of night i regained my consciousness from beta state. I was shivering intensely in my blanket. I was perplexed. Why was this happening? I don't feel that cold usually.The intensity increased as i became more aware of it. My body started aching due to tremors. My mind was like "You are gonna die".

I instructed my mind to tame those tremors. I started counting 10. Scary thoughts like " You are possessed "
"You have H1N1" , "You have lost your sanity " plagued my mind. I tried my best to concentrate on counts.
After an hour's struggle, my body relaxed. All this while I was consoling myself "Everything will be alright".
I drifted into beta state only to be woken up with a new sensation. I was sweating and was exceptionally warm."You are ill megha, mentally and physically".

Woke up at six in the morning. Tex-ted a good luck message to my friends and snuggled up in my cozy blanket again. To my surprise, i was feeling quite normal. There were no traces of previous night's illness.

BIZARRE!

So here i am trying to join the dots. Was it an over dose of carbohydrates or "A Haunting ".

My amateur attempt at capturing the essence of night

Dreams and beyond

2009-12-10T06:10:00.000-08:00

Last night too I had this recurring dream of falling teeth accompanied by bleeding gums and intense pain. Ghastly isn’t it! I woke up with a gloomy sentiment today. I remember reading somewhere that dreams communicate and we have to decipher their meaning. May be I need to visit a dentist or is it something deeper? I Googled ‘recurring dream of falling teeth’ and the results confirmed my intuition.There are several interpretations to it. I choose one that holds good for me.

I am nursing a bruised self esteem. Why am I not strong enough to defend her and allow a third party to batter her? Poor baby, every now and then she’s beaten black-and-blue. It’s following a recursive pattern for long. Someone says things and that very night I have this terrible dream. Sigh…I wonder if I am the only one around who’s getting these ghastly visions. I have seen discussions in forums but to this date I have never ever come across a person with a similar problem in real life.

I want her to stand out and be greener than ever even among the withered plants

She’ll be hale and hearty in a day or two but this is not the long term solution. For how long will this persist? I had a discussion with an acquaintance and he said that I am over-analyzing things. We introverts tend to think too much about what we say or hear. He’s right but dreams never lie. Merely trimming down the weeds is not a solution. They should be pulled out along with their roots. I need to nurture her in a different manner. She should be strong and resilient. And how is that to be done?

At times she tells me to run away and start afresh at a distant place. I have had a tough time in clarifying to her that this is not the way out. But she’s a stubborn baby. So, I simply stop paying heed to her tantrums. And when she sees that Mamma is upset, she gives up and complies with Mamma.

However, I am concerned about her future. Why should I allow a third party to fool her or should I say “Ch#### bana jaaye” to be more precise. I don’t want this to happen again every now and then. This is something I need to work on. I plea to the higher forces to guide me in this operation.

Flourish like this plant in the garden of intellect

2009-11-28T06:17:00.001-08:00

Chirping birds are flying to their abodes. My HMT watch reads 17:50. Bitto Chholevaala is gathering his belongings. His job is done for the day. “Lucky chap” I thought to myself. Now he’ll get to spend time with his children. My day or rather night is about to begin. Our band is booked for the next 15 days. At days we have to do double shifts as well. There are no auspicious dates after 14 December this year. It seems as if the entire city wants to marry in these 11 days. No regrets however. I am toiling hard for my family. I want to gift a good lifestyle to my children. I want them to be rich and drive around in big cars. Inshallah, they’ll touch the stars one day.

We were told to assemble near the Pepal tree on main road. Most of the band members have arrived. I am 20 minutes late. The tempo carrying the equipments is parked in the corner. I go there and collect my set from the stack of neatly folded starchy white uniforms kept aside a drum. Using handkerchief I sweep off dust from my shoes. Damn it! Why don’t they shine and show my reflection? Why should I pay a cobbler to do the same job when I too can manage! It’s my hard earned money after all. Ouch! The cut in the wound is getting deeper. It’s nowhere near the healing stage. The sole is worn out. My wife is right. It’s about time to purchase a new pair of shoes. While donning the uniform, I feel elated. The uniform somehow makes me feel worthy. I feel wanted. Army men, Police men and pilots all of them wear uniforms. I get a sense of belonging to that elite group. A job is a job and I am proud of what I do.

All of us assemble together and start reciting the verses. I was told that this has been the tradition since the inception of band. Bauji says that these verses remind him of his great grandfather and by reciting these we are assured of his divine blessings. Recitation over, we move towards the tempo for our equipments. My job is to carry the chandelier on my shoulder in the marriage procession or should I say baraat. Sound of drums and trumpets infuses a spark in the muted wintery evening. I see people looking over from their balconies in nearby buildings. It’s as if the entire colony is a part of celebrations. I sense a renewed vigor in the environs. That’s why I love my job. The groom and his family members are here. The groom is seated in a horse drawn chariot. He’s looking like a prince from heaven. The chariot is decorated with exotic flowers from abroad. All the ladies are shimmering like apsaraas. Big stones in their jewellery are glistening in generator powered lights.

I imagine my wife in this attire. Mashallah, the noor on her face could never be matched up by these stones. Clothes and stones are mere facades. Ultimately it’s all about money and power. Our body is made up of the same matter. Our hearts beat as one and pump blood in the same style. Then why these manmade barriers and discriminations? How does this superior and inferior thing come into picture? Kaka says that it’s the money and influence of power which corrupts the mind. Ahh ‘My wife’. I was too harsh on her last night. I don’t know why I behaved like that. It’s as if some demon overpowers my being and makes me say all those words. I just can’t differentiate between right and wrong. I have this feeling that a dormant beast resides in my being. When he awakens, things take a topsy turvy turn.

I love her; I can’t imagine my life without her. I have never expressed it though. I don’t think these feelings and emotions can be worded. I think she understands. That’s why she silently bears all my atrocities.

People are moving rhythmically to music. They are capering around zealously. I have been a part of several baraats but this mindless capering has never ceased to perplex me. Most of them are drunk, I excuse them. What about others? What kind of a high are they on? I deem it as superficial. The ostentatious display of status and wealth bothers me. To an extent it’s alright, but beyond that it annoys me. May be I am jealous and insecure. They have what all I am aspiring for. Ouch! The pain is unbearable now. “It’s a matter of few minutes, endure it” “You don’t have the luxury to quit”. I reach for my pockets and pat the bottle. “It will dissolve your pain, keep going”. I limp my way to the destination.

I keep aside the chandelier carefully. I take off my shoe. The wound is bleeding profusely. Skin has peeled off. I pay attention to this excruciating pain. What a sensation! I take out the bottle from my pocket and gulped the elixir in one go. I am in a state of ecstasy. The pain is dissipating.

Wanted to post an award by Rohini

the rules are as follows:

1) Post the award.

2) List seven personality traits, as evidenced by your blog.

Simple- My simplicity is reflected in it right from the layout to the words in it.

Insightful- My friends say so!!

Unique- It's one of it's kind and unique in a positive as well as negative sense.I am short of words here.

Illustrative- It has real time examples :P and pictures too at times.

That's it! Seven is a big number.Can't think of more adjectives here

Give the award to 7 others with notable personalities and let them know!

Parul, Sobhit, Veenu, JalPAri, Kasabianngirl, Faith and Angelina

I have posted other awards too Rohini. Check out the slide show.

Unveil the magic of luminance

2009-10-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

Pleas for compassion are being disregarded

Efforts to make them see the light of wisdom are turning futile

How tight is this blindfold of malice desires?

O Candles! I wish thy luminance tears through the darkened corners of hearts

O Sparklers! Get rid of cobwebs in deserted cabinets of mind

Festive spirits, I pray thee, illumine the velvety night in our intellects

Brush past the atoms of ignorance to reveal the golden sheath of acumen

PS-Few random lines jotted down to unburden and to ascertain my hope in “Goodness shall prevail”

Wishing you all a very joyous Diwali. Have a great time!

You get to be a judge!

2009-10-10T05:23:00.000-07:00

Innocent... or Guilty?

I have this fascination for judges, advocates and courtrooms.There's something about them which evokes my inner chords. How i wish i were a lawyer...sigh! Anyhow, whatever happens happens for good. So, personally this tag is kind of special for me because i get to be a judge for a change:D

Rohini at Train of thought tagged me.
I am omitting rule 4 in my post.

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

Asked someone to marry you? Innocent.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Innocent.

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent.

Ever told a lie? Guilty.

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty.

Kissed a picture? Guilty.

Slept in until 5 PM? Innocent.

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty.

Held a snake? Innocent.

Been suspended from school? Innocent.

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent.

Stolen from a store? Innocent.

Been fired from a job? Innocent.

Done something you regret? Guilty.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Innocent.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent.

Kissed in the rain? Innocent.

Sat on a roof top? Guilty.

Kissed someone you shouldn't? Innocent.

Sang in the shower? Guilty.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent.

Shaved your head? Innocent.

Had a boxing membership? Innocent.

Made a boyfriend cry? Innocent.

Been in a band? Innocent.

Shot a gun? Innocent.

Donated Blood? Guilty.

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent.

Eaten cheesecake? Guilty.

Still love someone you shouldn't? Guilty.

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent.

Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty.

Been too honest? Guilty.

Ruined a surprise? Guilty.

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn't walk after wards? Guilty.

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty.

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent.

Joined a pageant? Innocent.

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty.

Had communication with your ex? Guilty.

Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent.

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty.

Am tagging Venu,Parul,Sobhit,JalPari,Faith,KasabianGirl and Angelina

D for Dumb!

2009-10-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

I bet this is gonna be real fun.
It is called Dumb dumber Dumbest QUIZ. I know for sure my number shall hover around an 80 or 90 and that would be a giant leap from the academics percentage :P

Here's the quiz

[ ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking

[ ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking

[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door

[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle

[x] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself

[x] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks

OK 4 for now

[x] You have run into a tree/bush.

[x] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow

[x] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times

[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.

[x] You just tried to sing them.

9 Already!!

[x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.

[ ] You have choked on your own spit .

[x] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it.

[ ] You’ve never seen the Matrix.

[x] You type only with two fingers.

12 for now!

[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire

[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.

[x] You have caught yourself drooling.

[ ] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair

[x] You stared hard at someone trying to figure whether the person was he or she

15...am racing up on this one!

[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking

[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about

[x] People often shake their heads and walk away from you

[ ] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.

[x] You use your fingers to do simple math

19...hmmmmmm ????

[ ] You have eaten a bug

[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important

[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it

[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand

[ ] You have ran around naked in your house.

22, my favorite number

[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.

[ ] You break a lot of things.

[x] Your friends know not to use big words around you.

[x] You tilt your head when you’re confused

[x] You have fallen out of your chair before

[ ] Mistook your teacher to be a student

25 and counting further!

[x] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall

[x] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.

[ ] Have you opened your mouth to say something but then you pretended as if you were yawning because you forgot what you wanted to say.

TOTAL 27

I am (27/40)*100 = 67.5% DUMB!!!

That's it? Was expecting more here...surprising!

Let us see how honestly dumb Parul,Venu,Sobhit and Faith are.
Have fun guys!I am sure you won't complain of this tag(not really a tag though!) :P

Rohini, thanks for inviting me to take this CRAZZZY quiz!

Web of life

2009-09-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

Ughh…my head feels so heavy. As I gain awareness of my sense of being, an impounding pain up above perturbs me. My eyelids feel heavier, burdened by that something. With sluggish steps I walk over to Chintamani’s dhabba and ask for my regular cuppa. I rake in the aroma and warmth of steamy kadak chai. The warmth of vapors pacifies that pain and invigorates my senses. First sip feels magical and does wonders to my aging body. I feel like an old fort, a fort whose beauty has been augmented by morning rays of sun. I savor the warmth and sweetness of my beverage. A gratifying sensation cloaks me, I feel perky and equipped to take on the world.

The city is gradually stirring to life out of deep slumber; a new day and new beginnings. My day starts with a renewed hope. A desire, to be noticed from my shadowy existence and a hunger for my passion’s acknowledgment. Yes, I do yearn for those generous smiles which exude compassion and life. I pine for a loving and respectful gesture. They really make my day’s worth and a day worth dying for. For, I believe that each one of us dies at the end of the day and starts life afresh. All these thoughts electrify me and I discern an unusual spring in my steps as I walk over to a desolate corner in inner circle of a heritage market. With a prayer on lips I unlock my treasure trove. Hundreds of Yoyos greet me with zeal. I pick up my toy and run my fingers through its circumference. Yoyos have been a passion of mine since last 20 years. Now, I have devoted my remaining life to this atypical passion.

Office goers dressed in crisp formals tote the giant white washed corridors. Judging by their walk, I can easily tell the instability and anxiety in their lives. Thank God! I don’t have such life. I start playing with my toy with that perpetual hope in my being. One by one they sway past me, hardly noticing my frame and some of them give me that dirt on the door looks. When you reach my age, you get used to all such treatments. Hours fly by and its noon. More and more lovey-dovey couples and youngsters could be seen now. Few casually look by and then turn away. An indifferent look is eminent in their eyes. Eyes, yes, eyes are the ‘windows to one’s soul’. With years of experience, a minute’s look later, I can easily tell what goes through in your mind. Nowadays I don’t see that fire and strength of character in today’s youth. Majority of them easily get carried away by the illusions and fall prey to materialistic tunes of worldly music. The simple things like- rising sun, cloud patterns, sound of rain, twinkling of stars and luminance of moon doesn’t amuse them. If kids today are like these, I am glad I don’t have any. The energy of the place sparks up with setting sun. Sensing music in the air, I too pace up my yoyo tricks and stunts. Ahaan, this time I did the stunt in a neat manner. Practice does yield fruits. I glance around for a hint of approval. All are just walking past. Some are busy chitchatting, either on phone or with their companions and some with themselves. Some are walking alone, lost in their past or future without sparing a moment to relish their present.

A group of youngsters is strolling. A girl from that group glimpsed at me. Our eyes lock for a second. She saw what I did with my yoyo and gave that smile of appreciation. I nod in return as she walks past me. This is it! I am euphoric. I cannot control that grin on my countenance. Moments later I start packing my belongings with a contended feeling. A tap on my shoulder distracts me. It is Jhinsi.

"You’re done for the day it seems! And nothing sold today as well. Why don’t you try a traffic signal for a change"

"For God’s sake, l don’t want any suggestion of yours. I am not here to make money"

"OK I don’t want to listen to that shit of yours again. Here’s your elixir. See you tomorrow"

The crowd is subdued. The hustle-bustle has faded with light. The illuminated high rises shinning in the backdrop of velvety and starry sky catch my sight. The man in that building can never realize the worth of rustic pleasures endowed upon us by nature. The crescent moon is beaming enigmatically. I exhale the smoke wistfully. I am feeling lighter. Want to soar high up and touch the stars. Am drowsy, my shutters feel heavy. I am fading away like smoke in a breeze…away, away and gone.

PS- My second attempt at fiction.I want a frank feedback from you people.

Elated!

2009-09-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

That was the first word in my mind when i saw my name in the lucky five list. At this point, i am out of words to express what i am going through.And awarded by Rohini at Train of thought. With each post of hers it seems as if i am getting to discover a new dimension of life. There are people out there, may be miles and miles away, yet no barriers can prevent one from sharing the opinions and getting in touch with 'frighteningly' like minded people. Yes, at times the similarity seems spooky. I found a strange law while surfing 'Law of similarity'. It states that

...parts of a stimulus field that are similar to each other tend to be perceived as belonging together as a unit

This further reinforces my belief in soul mates.Amazing,the fog is gradually giving way to sunlight.Getting down to the rules

* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List.
* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

I feel so proud to be part of an ever growing list. Rohini, i did succeed in spotting your name.
I award thee

1.Parul at Ramble On. A special friend with an amazingly different way of looking at things. Though i wish she were more regular with her posts. I think this award shall further inspire her to write with a vengeance.

2. Sobhit at LIFE : THE BLESSED HELLRIDE. A good friend with a high level of intellect.The way he comes up with a practical insight on certain points leaves you dumbfounded.

3. Rohini at Train of thought. I hope i too can award you back :P Whenever i visit her page, i can't help wondering "she mirrors my thinking".

4.Extranjera at What will I ever do with my life. As i have mentioned before, she is the Goddess of Bloggers. This award list is incomplete without her name on the roll. Her crazy and at times weird perceptions coupled with a dose of subtle humor has thousands of fans. She inspires me to 'think out of box'.

5.Jal Pari at ~*~ Stories Of My Life ~*~ A recent addition to my following list. The intensity and emotions in her words has stunned me. There's something about her writing which pulls me like a magnet.An air of humbleness and enigma.Kudos to you girl!

I wonder what was i doing with my life before i started blogging.
Different minds, different perspectives and a plethora of comments and opinions.
I am hooked :P

The Eight Tag+1

2009-09-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

This tag came as a respite from the mundane activities in my life. Rohini at Train of thought has tagged me. She says that my words are sheer poetry. She is always generous in complimenting fellow bloggers and a wonderful human being. Rohini, I think am in the evolution stage and have a long way to go.
Let’s get down with the eight+1 tag thing.
8+1 favorite dishes I love to eat-
I love my share of Pizzas, shakes, breads, fries etc. However, when it comes to favorites, am a pure desi at heart and only the indigenous fare is close to my heart.
1. Kaddi Rice - My all time favorite, am always game for this north Indian preparation.
2. Makki di roti and Sarsoon da saag - The Punjabi blood in my veins never seems to get over the cravings of the all time favorite dish of Punjab.
3. Aloo Puri - Crispy pooris coupled with spicy aloo in gravy…am salivating :P
4. Methi ke Paraanthe - Methi paraanthes topped with melting butter are the best part of winters.
5. Sujji ka Halwa – Am always game for it be it early morning or at the stroke of midnight.
6. Piping hot Gulab jamun
7. Fruit Cream
8. The quintessential khichdi, many people despise it but I am rather fond of it.

9. Custard with fruits and jelly

8+1 things bothering me right now –
1. A dark lesion on my left arm, don’t know the exact cause of it. Perhaps it is due to an insect bite, looks ugly.
2. Incomplete file work and a back log of assignments.
3. I so wish to read a host of magazines and this week’s Lounge, but am unable to prioritize my time accordingly.
4. An unfinished painting staring at me.
5. A couple of books lying on my shelf, I so want to read and immerse myself in those.
6. The fact that I get bored very easily, am I going nuts, am I turning old?
7. Am not at peace with myself, can’t figure out why.
8. Negativity imbibed in certain people, don’t know how to shield myself from their influence.

9.My overactive taste buds :P

8+1 Movies I would never say no to
1. Maine Pyaar Kiya – A classic tale of two lovers and their innocent romance.
2. Pretty Woman - Richard and Julia at their best.
3. Muqaddar ka Sikaadar- An amazing tale of friendship, love and sacrifice.
4. The Notebook
5. DDLJ
6. All Harry Potter Movies
7. Kareeb
8. Sharaabi(couldn’t miss out this one)

9. Forrest Gump

8+1 things I plan to do in this week –
1. Open my books and start preparing for mid terms.
2. Am looking forward to birthdays of two special friends which happen to fall on the same day.
3. Complete the pending work in practical file, am I not always talking about work, work and work!
4. Paint and hopefully I take out time for that.
5. Look inside and be in touch with the silence within.
6. Detach, detach and detach!
7. Take out Me time
8. Discover a new aspect of…don’t know what! I believe to take things slow; life unfolds its mysteries at its own pace.

9. Looking to forward to a dear friend's birthday.

8 sounds that annoy me –
1. The sounds of steam whistle in a pressure cooker (Rohini, am borrowing this one!)
2. The sound of teeth rubbing against the tip of spoon.
3. Annoying sound of high pitch horns
4. The screeching sound of friction between paper and blackboard made of glass.
5. The sound of alarm when I am in the midst of a dream.
6. Sound of a wailing baby.
7. Sound of screeching brakes.
8. Sound of a wailing puppy and dog in the dark of night.

9. Sound of tile cutting machine.

8+1 reasons I love life right now –
1. Am lucky to be blessed with a set of special friends, friends which are hard to come by. Not many people sustain my tantrums and I am grateful to be in an enlightened company.
2. My family - for bearing with me and lifting up my spirits every now and then.
3. The fact that I am able to appreciate the beauty of creation in this universe, be it the chirping of birds, sun light filtering through clouds and hidden rhythm in the drops of water from a leaky tap.
4. As mentioned in my previous post, when I see people helping others selflessly I can’t help being overwhelmed.
5. The enigmatic factor associated with life. There’s so much to be discovered and so much to be experienced. This is what keeps me going.
6. When I see someone happy and really happy, I get this feeling that life is worth every second.
7. There are so many tastes to be savored and so many attires to be tried; this materialistic aspect is another factor which makes me fall in love with this world.
8.I am pleased to read, listen and appreciate breathtaking works by brilliant artists and creators. There is absolutely no limit to the creative boundaries.

9.My over the top dreams!

8+1 traits I really admire in people –
1. Innovation and creativity
2. Humbleness- This quality is hard to come by in this era.
3. Sense of humor- Making others laugh and lifting up their spirits is the best quality any person can have. I so wish I had this innate talent.
4. The ability to respect and appreciate other’s point of view rather than imposing your opinions.
5. Forgiveness- I so wish I held no grudges and forgave easily.
6. Eloquence- Good oratory skills always leave behind a profound impact.
7. Foresightedness and leadership skills
8. Integrity and sense of character

9. Selflessness-ability to put other's before self.

8+1 things I see myself doing in the next five years
This one is tough, as I lack foresightedness. I don’t really plan and have this tendency to act on impulse.
1. Working my way up the corporate ladder, I want to get a taste of working at a higher post, just once!
2. Or may be living off in a remote place, may be in hills and teaching at a boarding.
3. Working for the betterment of society in my own way.
4. I want to purchase my own car and apartment.
5. Want to go to places like Ireland and Finland.
6. I want to write, write and write and see my name in print.
7. I see myself having a good time with my friends.
8. Being more involved in occult sciences.

9. Purchasing that special Adornment...sigh!

8+1 Bloggers I really admire and tag –
1. Parul at Ramble On
2. Sobhit at Life:The blessed hell ride
3. Sahu at Bugs009
4. Faith at As for Today
5. Angelina at MY MAGNIFICENT LIFE
6. Jalpari at ~*~ Stories Of My Life ~*~
7. Life in Egypt at Egypt's wildlife
8. Kasabiangirl at Life sure is a snoozefest

9.Courtesy Sobhit this is 8+1 tag now! So here you go again :P
Sobhit at Life:The blessed hell ride

2009-08-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

My horoscope of the day read “You need to release the creativity bottled up inside you dear Capricorn”. I am taken aback by the precision of these predictions at times. How did they get to know that? But then, not all questions have answers, Isn’t it! I have been away from my passion for too long. Yeah, writing is a passion and a way for me to release the bottled up complexities and seek clarity. All this while, arbitrary “WHY’s” have been playing hide and seek with my intellect. I had to let go else I knew I would go BONKERS.

There’s something magical about the weather today. A mysterious force sprouts the temptation within me to pick up the pen and make notes. To hell with the college assignments! It was hard to resist that, especially when the brain was overstuffed.
I looked up at the infinite sky. Fluffy cotton like white cloud is swaying past a dense blue layer beneath. Moments later a new picture emerges gradually. I try and capture few pictures. You might be wondering that I am always posting repetitive pictures. The ever changing patterns of clouds never cease to stun me. The phrase “PAINTING IN MOTION” flashed like a bolt of lightning in my psyche. On a rusty orange canvas, the creator has painted bold strokes of blue and gray. I savor the panoramic spectacle. It kind of grows on me. The more I gaze, deeper I am drawn. Drawn, to a parallel space time frame. Time just stops by and everything stills for me in those moments. I feel connected to the cosmic force. An air of humbleness descends on me. I am just a small entity in this infinite space with an undiscovered purpose. We humans have a balloon like ego and pride which gets inflated every now and then. However for me, a look at the limitless space up above works well to deflate that balloon. Moreover, the enchanting splendor and rawness in nature arouses tender emotions within me. Be it the joy in witnessing the budding of a flower or studying the staleness in trees. Everything natural is complex and yet so simple.

Of late, the complexities of all, who are worldly and wise, had been bothering me. I marveled at the thought “what I am doing here”. I wished that I could lose this crowd. I wished that I could run far away from everything as Tom does in Forrest Gump. But then again, I guess, the cosmic force has its own enigmatic ways of lifting up my spirits. The other day I saw a volunteer helping a visually impaired person through the thick maze of crowd. At that instant, all the ill thoughts vanished. I regained my lost hope. A realization dawned upon me “All is not lost yet”. Kind souls are still around, no matter how worse things turn, a kind soul shall always be there to guide me. I realized how lucky and blessed I have been to have connections with benevolent souls. Touch wood to that! My connections shall never ever let me down. Love you all and be there for me always.

With this affirmation I sign off.

2009-08-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

Life is UNCERTAIN...NO one can escape the cycle of birth and death.

Have read these lines innumerable times yet i wasn't prepared for what was to come next.One doesn't really realize the graveness of these lines until tragedy strikes.
A part of me doesn't want to write.But then, i tell myself "You can communicate only via an invisible bridge". I believe words have that power to connect and reach out to the departed.I think i can reach out via words and feel the presence of his kind soul.

The day started off as normal.A strange thing happened today morning.I saw him in my dream today morning,hale and hearty and well on his path to recovery.I prayed to god for his speedy recovery and was completely clueless of what was to unfold today.In mid afternoon, dark clouds enveloped the sky.There's a strong association between nature and emotions of mortals and special ones i would say.Those one in thousand types, who repose your faith in good despite the widespread blanket of evil and those who are virtuous, they practice rather than preach.

Tiny droplets of rain brushed past my face.At that moment, i was unaware of the tragedy that shall black mark this day.Another thing that's bewildering is-it's his birthday day after tomorrow and he has departed exactly a month after a loved one's birthday.

Via phone, the voice at the other end said "He's no more". I couldn't believe my ears and confirmed what i had heard again. I was too stunned to react.How could he go away like that?So Soon.Such is life's irony...there's no answer to this WHY.

I don't know how I'll face others tomorrow.God give me the strength.

Am tagged again!

2009-07-30T03:56:00.000-07:00

Doesn't that look like a unicorn in the sky with its head down? It proved lucky for me because that very night an astonishing thing happened.Read further.

O No! Not again. Third time in this month! Can't make out why people want me to open up those dusty cabinets in my intellect and bring forth abandoned artifacts (made any sense? forget it!).
Though I'll have to confess, I am feeling like a celebrity...glee. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief when I saw myself tagged by the Goddess of Bloggers Extranjera.Isn't that amazing!

Fifth post for this month! Looks like I’ll be breaking my own record.
On second thoughts I wonder who the hell cares and wants to know this much about me. But then I reckon, this time it's by Extranjera. Extranjera! This is just for you :)
By the way, me living in a barrel with the internet connection is an intriguing suggestion: P

Let’s get started.
The idea is, to list five items in each category and not necessarily in order of liking. You can always add or subtract categories according to your will. Then tag five mortals.

My five favorite words:

1.Alohomora -For the uninitiated, this is a spell used in Harry Potter series to open or unlock doors. Love the way it sounds. Whenever I see a locked door I have this tendency to recite the spell and seconds later the callous reality dawns upon me: I am a muggle:(
2.Shukriya - Meaning thank you, the word was born from Urdu. It kind of intensifies the feeling of gratitude and its usage makes me feel royal, can't say why!
3.enchanting - Can't explain my affinity for this word. It arouses a mystical feeling.
4.LOL - Obvious reasons! (though technically it's not a single word) While posting comments on Facebook and our very own Blogger or while chatting on Gtalk, the word is a life saver in jokey situations.
5.Leviosa - Its part of a spell in Harry Potter series 'Wingardium Leviosa'. The spell is used to levitate objects. The word sounds gracious and enigmatic.

My five favorite celebrity crushes:

1.Rahul Gandhi : His down to earth manner in public despite belonging to the grand “Gandhi “ family is admirable. I quite liked his approach to mingle with masses especially the night stays in villages. Moreover, his dimples and boyish charm make him the most illegible bachelor.
2.Richard Gere: Is there a need for me to give any explanations? The name says all.
3.Hrithik Roshan : The pin up guy of the Indian Film industry. Piercing eyes and that two day stubble make him more and more alluring.
4.Hillary Clinton: She exudes power and confidence. At the same time her coolness and oratory skills never cease to astonish me. Her elegant demeanor during the Clinton scandal won her my admiration.
5.J K Rowling: Out of box imagination of hers has billions of fans the world over.

My five favorite random things

1.My tattered blue color pajama –Can’t make up my mind to discard it.
2.My small notebook – I used to jot down my thoughts in it before I discovered the mesmerizing world of blogging.
3.Green color lycra top – A recent possession, fell in love with it at first sight
4.My blogs – They are a part of me, my heart and soul.
5.The TV remote – The pleasure of viewing idiot box is incomplete without having the power to flip channels during the climax scene.

My five favorite comic book characters-

1.Garfield – I so wish I had a life like him. Just lying on the couch with the TV remote and munching on the goodies with ‘to hell with everything’ attitude.
2.Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes – The kid always has a sound and logical explanation for his mischievous activities.
3.Charlie Brown from Peanuts
4.Our very own indigenous Chacha Chaudhary who claims that his brain computes faster than any computer in the world.
5.Dennis the menace

My five favorite literary characters

1.Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth from Pride and prejudice
2.Jane from Jane Eyre
3.Swami from Malgudi days
4.Harry from HP series
5.Heathcliff from Wuthering heights

My five favorite silly desires

1.Spread out my wings and soar high up in the sky
2.Do a moon walk on the moon
3.Own a cozy cottage in the hills, sit in a rocking chair on the porch, watch kittens playing around and write a book using the old fashioned pen and paper or perhaps a typewriter.
4.Talk a walk in a European countryside vineyard and sample the wine there.
5.Learn chocolate making ,prepare a large quantity of sinfully melted chocolate and take a dip in that :P

Finally I’m done. This one required a hell lot of introspection. I’m glad I completed it, it’s nice to travel in the maze of one’s psyche once in a while. I added last three categories.

Now comes the tagging part.

1.Rohini at Train of Thought
2.Kasabiangirl at Life sure is a snoozefest!!
3.Daydream Lily at Daydream Lily
4.Melissa at So about what I said...
5.Steph at Chard Intimate

Sound and Silence

2009-07-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

Here comes the rain, a welcome respite from the monotonous and humid weather. The way weather plays with our emotions never ceases to amaze me. Few minutes ago,I was in a complaining mode and was eating into a friend’s head. Later, I stepped out to experience the tiny droplets in my hands. I feel short of words to express that joy. All my mental blabbering flew away with the monsoon breeze and I am smiling again. The sound and silence of rain make me ponder. Why not take advantage of the moment! I logged into blogger and got the words flowing. Sound of breeze whistling past the leaves and the sound of collective droplets create an enchanting rhythm. Now, you must be wondering where silence comes into picture.I am talking about silence within. Whenever it rains, an unusual silent aura pervades my mind. It goes blank. A serene sensation fills me up and I delve into the glory of silent pleasure.

Sound and silence are poles apart and yet they merge smoothly. Sound could be silent and yet silence has a sound. I know, that’s a poor attempt at philosophy. The other day I had this random thought “What if we human beings weren’t blessed with the gift of speech, what if we barked, howled or hooted just like other animals!” I am sure this world would be a better place. In these summer vacations, I have had the pleasure to witness a number of large gatherings-say 7-8 people or more.I observed the pattern of their verbal communication.It is dependent on the age factor and the level of intimacy between the participants.Very often, the words being spoken were laced with sarcasm and jealousy, a desire to be brag over and over and a touch of apathy. The conversations of such kind are definitely high on entertainment quotient. If you look at it, just as an observer without any opinions and prejudices you will realize the futility in it. Hey I don’t intend to sound like a wise old lady or a philosopher neither do i mean to offend any one. I too indulge in such pointless and enjoyable chitchats and very often I say something which I lament later. I have seen that many people leave no opportunity to pass mocking comments though they don’t mean to upset the other party. I can’t reason why this happens but it ensues over and over again.A way could be to just listen without any judgments, opinions and reactions.But i reckon that it is not always possible.Being diplomatic and tactful is an art that requires expertise.

Therefore,I conceived of an evolved and mute human species. Of course, everything has its pros and cons. I believe in this case the pros outweigh the cons. I suppose we don’t need words to express our love and emotions. We can easily convey what we want through other means- sign language, writing mode and may be some other advanced methods. The advantage of these is-We won’t indulge in blathers. I recall reading a study which said that non verbal communication is much more powerful than the verbal mode. Our eyes, posture and hands are powerful tools that express more than we can imagine.

What do you think? Is the evolution of Homo sapiens into mute ones a way to a better realm?

I have been tagged!

2009-07-22T01:14:00.000-07:00

The kasabiangirl has tagged me.Though i must confess,being an introverted and private kind of person I am not very keen on answering such kind of stuff.However i will try to be honest with answers here.

The rules:
* Link the person who tagged you.
* Post these rules on your blog.
* Share your ABCs..
* Tag 3 people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
* Let the 3 tagged people know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
* Do not tag the same person repeatedly but try to tag different people, so that there is a big network of bloggers doing this tag!

The ABC of me...all that there is about me :p

A – Available/Single? Available

B – Best friend? To be frank, don't believe in that term any more. Have close friends rather than best friends.They are- Ruchika, Parul, Veenu, Shobit and Vikas...that's all

C – Cake or Pie? Cake

D – Drink of choice? Pineapple or apple juice.

E – Essential item you use every day? My specs

F – Favorite colour? It keeps on changing, these days it is Green

H – Hometown? Sadda Bathinda, Punjab

I – Indulgence? I spent an outrageous amount on a lip gloss 2 months back and haven't used it yet:P Don't know why i bought it.

J – January or February? January...exams get over.

K – Kids & their names? None yet.

L – Life is incomplete without? tough one...umm I'll say the occasional guilty indulgences.

M – Marriage date? December, 2015 :p

N – Number of siblings? One sister

O – Oranges or Apples? Apples...only the juicer ones please!

P – Phobias/Fears? Claustrophobia is the only one i can think of at the moment.

Q – Quote for today? "If A equals success, then the formula is:
A=X+Y+Z, where X is work, Y is play and Z is keep your mouth shit"
Albert Einstein

R – Reason to smile? The ever increasing number of followers to my blog :P

S – Season? Winters for sure...love cozying up in my blanky, and the chilly winds
brushing past my face and rednning the tip of my nose.

T – Tag 3 People? I tag thee, Parul,
Sobhit and Rohini...Have fun filling this one out

U – Unknown fact about me? At times i could be bratty, selfish and what not.The complete opposite of what i usually am...now that you know about it,BEWARE

V – Vegetable you don't like? Many out there, will pick up Brinjal

W – Worst habit? Procrastination, at times i don't take things seriously at all.

X – X-rays you've had? Never...touchwood :)

Y – Your favorite food? I have a sweet tooth, so i am a dessert person

Z – Zodiac sign? Sagittarius and Capricorn...am a cusp

Vanity v/s Guilt

2009-07-18T08:45:00.001-07:00

My half opened eyes popped out with vigor as I shuffled through the pages of newspaper. No, it did not have to do with Obama 'ogling at the behind of a Brazilian lady' or 'The blackest day in the history of Delhi Metro'. Well, I am talking about monsoon SALE. Wow!That word evokes a sense of enthusiasm and an inclination to rush over to the store and grab the bargains.

At that very instant I envisioned a magical wooden wardrobe in my possession. The one which updates it self,with whatever apparel I imagine. Won't that be great! Just imagine it in your head and your object of fancy is there for you. Potter mania is getting to my head. I need to catch up with the latest flick else I'll go crazy for sure. All of a sudden, out of nowhere these words started playing in my head 'I used to complain about the shoes I wore, until I saw the boy with no feet'. I read these, in a heart wrenching TOI article last week and the words had left a lasting impression on me.Instantly,I was transported back to the reality. In a country like India, where half of the population is below the poverty line. How can I afford to have these materialistic thoughts? 'But then, its important to look good'. There goes Megha, that's my pet name and in a way my stubborn alter ego. In this age of first impression, you can't afford to be ill dressed. OK stop it! I left it there.

The next day, a friend invited me to accompany her on a shopping spree. I felt honored ,after all she chose to trust my style instincts. The shop she chose had updated its collection recently. We scanned the outfits with great eagerness. We zeroed on 3-4 apparels and then the friend went off to the trial room. In the mean while, I was looking around and a piece caught my fancy. It was like 'love at first sight' phenomenon. Without thinking i rushed of to the trial room. Man! The fit was superb, as if,it was just made for me. I stared gleefully at my reflection. I couldn't lay off my eyes. 'Buy it, you'll never regret' said Megha. I was like 'I don't need it for now, my wardrobe is already overstuffed. Bratty Megha exploded 'To hell with your shoe thing...Come on! You deserve to look good and then you'll feel good. Take pride in vanity!'. The practical part of me protested 'Feel good for 4-5 hours and then cope up with the pangs of guilt! No way! Don't you recollect the struggle of that lady in the article. What kind of vanity is this! Don't be so impulsive'.I changed over and kept back the outfit on a rack. The friend asked for my final opinion of her chosen outfits and then we went over to the billing counter. I turned back to take a last look at the 'devil in disguise'.'Oh! Come on, you are not a sister in a convent'. Megha took over. The next moment,I was lined up at the billing counter with that 'sweet devil' :P
Once again, vanity triumphed over guilt. Megha is right about the feel good thing but I am certain that the pleasurable phase is always short lived . I have to work upon disconnecting this bond between vanity and gratification. Perhaps, I concede, the victory over Megha is many years away.

Water color on paper, my recent art.

My first on a Canvas!

2009-07-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

YAY! It's an exhilarating feeling. Oil on canvas...Really! It was an impulsive act.Out of the blue i get this desire to work on a canvas rather than my sketch book(For a Change!).A trip to the nearby stationery and moments later i have all the artistic stuff staring at me.NOW! paint what? I am not really good at sketching. I wanted to play with colors and may be create a texture.

What will I draw? I was plagued with this thought. It had to be simplistic. Though i would have had loved to give the detailing(Alas! My poor drawing skills :( ). I Googled "painting ideas for beginners". Nothing really caught my fancy at the first sight itself.
I was in a haze. At the back of my mind i knew that the idea shall strike like a lightening bolt at any instant. The key was to be patient.Then, one day i stumbled upon a picture of Meditating Buddha while browsing.It caught my fancy.The sculptures and pictures of Meditating Buddha have always had a profound influence on me.The closed eyes and the smile of gratification seem to hypnotize me.So that was it! I was certain that I would draw a minimalist sketch and give a textured background.
Tadaa...am done with my first Oil on Canvas.

P.S. I was astonished to see 2 new followers today.I am kind of feeling proud of my self :P
A warm welcome to Steph and Kasabiangirl.

Get well soon :)

2009-06-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

Mama

It has been a long time uhmm…more than three months I think. I vividly recall,we met last on 27 December at a house warming. All of you invited us for a stay and both us were acting pricey…hehe. Actually we deferred our visit due to Tanu’s internal exams and you very well know how much freaked up she is in exam time. I think now you are acting pricey…Duh. Come’ on now! All of us here are waiting with baited breath for your discharge from hospital and quick recovery. Hospitals are like your second home nowadays.I reflect you’ve had enough of them and I am sincerely hoping that this is your last stay of all (with crossed fingers). You know what, Papa says that it’s a tough fight but I know from inside that you’ll emerge as a winner.At this instant,I wish Papa didn’t have any medical understanding, all the things he says don’t sound good to me and I try and not pay attention to his words.

I am focusing on The Secret techniques- visualizing and all that stuff. Mami and Anisha are doing everything possible- fasting, visiting holy places etc. You have to combat your ailments; I know it’s easy for me to say all this. But you have no choice. Twice,you have had those critical moments but with God’s grace you were rescued. I consider those as an indication from the higher forces- You are going to come out of all this.

I am conceiving of your healing body and I am sure it is working on the insides. Visualization is a tough process; I tend to get negative thoughts and I Shoo away those . After all I don’t have much control over my mind, it’s like a wild horse racing away in random directions and I am trying my best to tame it.You better get your act right and recuperate. Although ‘Stable Condition’ is the appropriate keyword,achieve that state ASAP.

The other day your Honda parked in the Verandha caught my attention. I envisioned you driving it. It has been ages, your Honda is waiting for you to lay your hands on it. Your favorite couch is craving for your bottom. Nani and Papaji are waiting for your happy disposition to lighten up the ambiance . Papaji is getting frustrated by this over-extended stay of yours and you know Nani is the target of all that frustrations. By the way, I discreetly enjoy those Quarrels in ‘Derawali’. Its not every day that i get to listen to the family dialect.Each and every object of that house is craving for your presence. The home is incomplete without you and we didn’t at all enjoy our brief stay there.

Why I am I writing this? I know it’s a private thing but I am affirming my positive thoughts through this post. I believe there’s immense power in words and the higher forces will have to relent to our wishes. I am sending a strong signal to the universe. Your healing shall be nothing short of a miracle. I am constantly telling myself ‘You are on the way to recovery, your organs are reconstructing themselves and you are going to come out of all this’. You know what, I saw you in my dreams a number of times- hale and hearty. I believe that’s a strong signal of your well being in near future.

I hope this sends a intensely high frequency signal up there and you start getting better and better with each passing day. Amen

Feminine power all the way!

2009-06-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

“Agar ladkey kutty hain ,toh unhe banane wali bhi yeh ladkiyan hain”

Do you agree? I don’t and I am writing this post so as to present my arguments against this notion.

First thought- The above statement adds another feather to a man’s traits and that is “passing the buck”. I don’t want this to be another Male v/s Female thing but can’t help it. I must confess I have always loved male bashing and for me nothing can beat the sight of a guy getting a beating from his girlfriend(haven’t seen such thing for ages Sigh!). Coming back to the point, is it our fault that we are pretty? That’s how we were meant to be, Isn’t it! If our beauty brings alive the canine in you then we are not to be blamed. Although we are not ‘Dhud ki dhuli ’and neither are you. We do occasionally indulge in ‘Harmless Flirting’ but we do it in a very uhmm shall I say a ‘Clean Way’. I remember spending long hours in the college canteen lawns and checking out hot guys (those were the days!) .However, we don’t give those dirty stares; that ‘rape with eyes look’. That’s your prerogative Mr.

Once upon a time, we were kept behind the veil; never allowed to voice our opinion forget about asserting our sexuality. Now that we are doing it, you are blaming us. Guys! When will you grow up! Being a woman is not easy as it seems. We have to live with PMS and cope up with mood swings and monthly stomach cramps. We are the ones who bear the baby and you can never ever imagine the intensity of labor pains. And they call us the ‘weaker sex’!

We wear revealing clothes and you start fantasizing! (its another thing that you fantasize about a covered woman as well) Well, at times, that’s our main purpose for wearing such outfits but not always. We dress up to feel like a million bucks or just to make our girlfriends jealous ;) We always dress up so as to impress you Take away this thing from your mind Mr.! Looking at the other side of it, we know it doesn’t take much effort to make a man fall weak in the knees. An inviting look in the eyes is more than enough to set your tails wagging! Of, course exceptions are always there (and welcome, thank God!). This is what I call the ‘Feminine Power’. And to get rid of a guy…Get closer and Closer and Closer(play on with your commitment phobia), yeah that’s the Fastrack advertisement. Advertisements remind me of the AXE kind, a hint of Axe is all you need to get us crazy! How pathetic! I mean we aren’t pattaoed that easily (though exceptions always exist).

Roving eye- Yes we girls also have roving eyes. We do tend to check out a guy’s butt and I know a few girls who fell for a certain guy just because he had cute butt. But we are not like you, checking out I don’t know what all stuff. We have our own discreet ways to catch your attention (secret weapons! which I won’t disclose here). I can say for sure even you guys enjoy being wooed. However, we do it in a playful way; we don’t stoop down to dirty ways. We don’t go around throwing acids when rejected or rape you in a fit of rage. This reminds me of a stray incident in Pakistan (can you believe it!) where a man was raped by a group of women. Tit for Tat! In this era, women are doing all jobs which were initially meant for men only, so why not this! However, harassment is a heinous act and I don’t advocate it, no matter whosoever does it.
I guess men are getting a taste of their own medicine and this is just the beginning.Hey! i am getting a sense of achievement(don't know why!) after having completed this.Feels great :)

Kudos to Feminine power!

Withering Highs

2009-05-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

'Wuthering Heights' in today's newspaper caught my eye. I loved the classic by Bronte. Since I am more or less idle now days,I made up my mind to write on a related topic. From there,this phrase 'Withering Highs' hit me.

The word 'High' reminds me of alcohol and drugs. I am not really sure of the feeling associated with 'being on a high' but I'll try my best to pen down that sensation:P With the first sip,you revel in the taste (or turn up your nose in disgust if you are a first timer) of your drink. A sense of relaxation is evoked as you take in more sips. All your inhibitions start melting away. You start talking more and your laugh sounds heartier than before. Though you yourself are not conscious of these changes. Couple of sips later(again that varies from person to person), this blissful and ecstatic feeling amplifies. You are the happiest person and the entire world is in your feet(reverse 'Devdas' effect is also a possibility, I won't delve into that).Wow! Isn't that a great feeling! But,as all good things should come to an end, this feeling too passes away. As the clock ticks away, the high starts withering. The cursing hangover brings about the confession 'I shouldn't have overdone it'.

Coming over to my kind of 'High'. Sucking up sweetened syrup from ice crystals of 'Gola' gives me immense pleasure. The way it chills your head, I believe nothing in this world can beat it. To sum up the feeling, 'Chubbti garmi vich thand pe jaandi ha'. As the 'Cool High' starts withering, it brings with it a lumpy feeling in my throat. And that's the reason my mum (actually, its the case with mostly all the mothers) has never approved this summer delicacy.

The thick, creamy ,sweetened Lassi topped up with Malai on a hot afternoon transports you into a trance. Deep and uninterrupted sleep is the aftereffect of this drink.

The word 'High' also implies 'morally good'. This angle gives 'Withering Highs' a different meaning altogether. I am sure most of you have witnessed or have been victims of the deteriorating morals in our society. The money starved and sex starved people can stoop down to unimaginable levels. But not all is murky. There are still good people out there. They retain your faith in humanity and somewhat ease your survival in this jungle.
As they say this is 'Kalyug' and the worst is yet to be seen.

"Simply sit back and wait for the tide to turn"

2009-05-01T00:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I find myself drawn to writing dark and gloomy stuff on this page. There are lots of topics waiting in the corner but when I sit down to write I just can't resist the urge to express the obscure side of me. May be its because this is the only place where I can articulate these kind of thoughts. You can easily share your happiness with others but when it comes to something gloomy then perhaps solitude is your best friend. In the shade of solitude you can contemplate and console your self from the harsh realities.

Living life is like savoring a bunch of black grapes. All the grapes look alike and you can't really differentiate between overripe,soft and the normal ones(though the overripe seeds are perfect for wine and raisins). The only way to do that is to pop one in your mouth and either relish the juicy,tender seed or chew the other one in disgust. Lucky ones are blessed with mostly juicy and succulent grapes in their bunch. Some get a balanced deal and the remaining ones get to savor mostly the overripe ones and that's my point. I think life is a bit unfair for few chosen ones and these are generally those people who always mean well and do good unto others(my perception). People attribute this to either unfavorable planetary positions or the baggage of past life Karma. You can't help but question why it had to be him/her. I wonder why we are made to suffer for our past life deeds in the current incarnation. I think all the accounts should be cleared in the current birth and no liabilities are to be carried forward. But as they say 'You cannot have your cake it and eat it too'. There must be something positive behind this “Past life Karma” theory.

Just imagine, your life is sailing smoothly and nothing is amiss. You are well settled and content with everything. Then out of the blue a speed breaker appears out of no where on the highway of life and your vehicle goes out of control. You cry your lungs out and wail in disbelief and question the supreme power 'why it had to be me'.Then gradually you retain your composure and optimism. You acknowledge your fate and concede the fact that you are not the only one with sorrows and griefs in this world. There are others with similar or worst grievances. You pray with all your conviction and your optimistic self tells you that nothing worse can happen after this. Then life bowls another Googly and leaves you dumbfounded. You feel betrayed and start analyzing your past and think of all the good things you have done for others. Hoping against hope you continue your journey on the path of prayer with renewed faith.
Desperate for a flicker of light in the plunging darkness you continue treading the path of hardships.
A prisoner of fate, you can only wait, hope and watch.

I really don't know how to conclude this.I take a walk in the dark.A dog's bark breaks through the silent ambiance.He goes on and on with his pleads but no one really cares and pays attention unless they are disturbed. Such is the level of apathy these days.
I lay beneath the starry skies and gaze at the luminous crescent shaped moon. The magnanimity of nature has a soothing effect. I am awed by the brilliance and beauty of the night sky. All the thoughts simply fade away. The twinkling stars convey a subtle message “Simply sit back and wait for the tide to turn”.And hopefully it will turn in our favor this time.

Delirious perspectives

2009-03-04T06:59:00.000-08:00

As they say 'An empty mind is a devil's workshop' and I'm no different.I jotted down few random and bizarre opinions of mine.

My take on profanities

Sonofabitch, Motherfucking, our very own B.C. , Ch. ,#@%^…Etc.( my vocabulary is limited :(, I never think beyond ‘kutte’and ‘ghaade’)What’s the similarity in all these swear words? All of them target females related to the recipient.Lately I have observed that these words are being used more as punctuation marks rather than as profanities. The male ego or psyche gets a boost when these words are used, moreover, when one is in the company of peers. I think,a sense of pride and achievement is felt.However, when one is actually cursing somebody I fail to understand that how in the world can you say ‘have sex with your mother or sister or whatever’ for a mistake of his. I don’t know whether people actually realize what they are saying while using these words. But, logically,how come ‘go fuck your mother or sister’ comes into the picture? The other day an autowallah said ‘Madam aapne Ch. banadiya mere ko’. I don’t know what it means but it is definitely something vulgar. I shot back ‘Maine kuch nahin banaya’ and I thought ‘aapko banaane ki zaroorat nahin ha,aap ho hi’.
Who so ever invented these kinds of words must be so happy in his grave considering the immense popularity of his creations now days. Moreover, we get an idea about men’s mental framework. They never thought of women beyond ‘baby vending machines’ or ‘sex objects’. But, now times have changed. Women have broken the glass ceiling, they are in the forefront every where at least in urban areas. So, I was thinking why not turn the wheels in the reverse direction. Let’s have curses like ‘Sonofadog’, fatherfucking, brotherfucking etc. The intended receiver could be a female or a male(gay relationships are not looked down upon nowadays). Usage of these words shall buoy up the feminine psyche and men will probably realize what those words actually imply rather than using them unconsciously.
Another thing that irks me is the male hypocrisy. Any ‘chivalrous gentleman’ won’t buzz these words in the company of women. However, five drinks later, all that chivalry just vanishes in the air. Moreover, when we see a girl using this kind of language, the society tends to label her as ‘immoral’, ‘slut’, ‘a whore’ etc. In St. Joseph's,I remember being repeatedly told that ‘Good girls never use such language’. When a guy uses these words he is considered to be ‘kewl’ or ‘has grown up’.What happened to the freedom of expression for us?

My take on naturism

Flat 50% Off, Last two days, Never before, up to 70% discount.
For the past few months newspapers have been screaming SALE and trying to lure mortals to burn their hard earned money. It’s not that I regret splurging on clothes. ‘Clothes maketh the man’ , they do enhance our exteriors. My devil mind came up with a bizarre thought. What if we didn’t wear any clothes? No more mindless spending and bothering about how am I looking in this? Great na!

What if somebody had never bothered to invent textiles and fabrics? Life would have been much simpler. We would be roaming around either naked or with leaves and bushes covering only what needs to be covered. I think the first choice is better. There would be no global warming owing to transportation of fabrics and processing of synthetics. No more shearing sheep for wool and extracting silk out of silk worm cocoons. There won’t be any Armani’s, Versace’s and other unrealistically costing designer stuff.

On a serious note, there won’t be any biases or discrimination on the way one is dressed. Everybody would be at par in the society. Moreover, we’ll love and respect our bodies just as they are, like naturists. There are several beaches in the world where people can roam around only in their body suit. Every atom of our body would be in contact with the air and we would feel closer to nature. Just look around, everything in our surroundings is bare and in its natural form. Why are then, we human beings trying to cover up? Now I understand why some ‘holy men’ roam around naked in places like Varanasi and Benares. I always considered it disgusting and thought that they were trying to garner attention. They give a damn about what others think. Why do Pagans pray in nude? This is how it should have been in our society. I think clothes are a man made barrier which prevents our communion with nature. We no longer respect and appreciate the natural beauty.

Well, i guess somethings were meant to be as they are and nobody can change the way things are now.Will have to live with these norms.
Now i realize what crap have i written,anyhow ' Thodi bahut pagalpaanti bhi zaroori ha'

2009-02-10T08:52:00.000-08:00

My phone beeped to announce the arrival of a text message that read “Rose for a rose...Happy Rose day”.For a moment I was perplexed and then it occurred to me that the countdown for the big day(read V-day) has finally begun. Its like the most awaited day by college goers(even school kids) to express,confess or celebrate their so-called LOVE. Tomorrow there shall be some other day may be a chocolate day or a teddy day, who knows! I typed in the reply “An SMS can never substitute the texture and scent of a rose...anyhow Happy Rose day to you as well”. What a lame reply that was but I couldn't think of anything worse than this then :p Have I ever received a 'real rose' on this day?Oh yeah I did! And that was probably two years ago and Hey I met that chap recently on my visit to college. It was nice to catch up with an old friend after a long hiatus.

Emotions are like wild horses and rather than taming them its better to let them loose. Of late I have been pondering over the phenomenon called love and what better than Valentine's week to express my views on this. Is the feeling for real or is it a mirage created due to the release of chemicals and hormones. Studies have shown that 'oxytocin' and 'endorphins' are primarily responsible for this illusion. One gets this feeling of flying in ninth heaven and everything about the other person seems to be perfect. Its like an out of the world experience for few initial days and then slowly everything eventually starts to fade out .But what is it about the person that triggers these emotions, is it the looks?The light in the eyes?This reminds me about the concept of soul mates. I was intrigued by the theory the day I read it for the first time in Paulo Cohelo's Brida. It says that our ultimate aim in our lifetime is to encounter at least one of our soul mates in each incarnation. If we allow our soul mate to pass us by , without accepting him or her or without even noticing then we'll require another incarnation in order to find that soul mate. Interesting and we recognize our soul mates by the light in their eyes or the clairvoyants can see a point of light above the left shoulder in The Tradition of Moon. This certainly aroused my gray matter. One part of me says yes this is for real and the practical part of me is skeptical about it. What kind of light does one have to look out for? Almost every other person has sparkling eyes but that doesn't mean that all of them are my soul mates. May be its too early for me to get into all of this.

Getting back to the phenomenon of love. Markets and industries costing millions of dollars are thriving on this emotion. There's music,movies,books,merchandise and god knows what. The most recent venture which has caught the entire world to sit up and take notice is 'Slumdog Millionaire'.Its a typical Bollywood style love story packaged in an appetizing 'Indian Poverty' gift wrapper. To a certain extent I believe that movies,be it Bollywood or Hollywood are largely responsible for inculcating this belief that 'someone somewhere is made for you' and all that stuff. We being emotional fools easily get influenced and of course who doesn't like fantasy tales and happily ever after illusions.

Whenever I catch up with my old friends they are like 'Do you have a boyfriend'?Then they go like 'Hmm...its high time you get one'.I have my share of infatuations but for now I haven't progressed beyond that. The practical part of me always cuts short my flight to the ninth heaven(or is it the seventh?) and I realize the futility of my emotions. I guess for my age it will be an on/off thing. However, one thing is for sure, ten years later when I'll read this I'll realize the absurdity of my contemplations. And that is the beauty of life. As for my soul mate, will have to wait and watch.

P.S.-The 'romantic' weather today inspired and egged me on to come up with this post.I had a great day today and the treat was the icing on the cake.This reminds me of the awesome truffle cake we had today.
Mausam mastana rasta anjana..jaane kis mod pe ban jaaye koi afsana...

Just a bad day :(

2009-01-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

What a gloomy day! In the morning, lying in my bed I could sense that something is not right about TODAY.As usual I dismissed it as a figment of my imagination. I read the news of gang rape of a MBA girl in Noida. What goes in the minds of these rapists? Why do these men think that they have the liberty over any woman they want and what makes others jump into the act, don’t they have an independent mind of their own? Day by day, the city and NCR is becoming unsafe for women.
Few minutes later I saw the news of Satyam balance sheet scam on CNBC. My God! I could never imagine such a thing from one of the top IT companies of India. The anger was apparent in Udyan Mukherjee’s voice; I have never seen him talk like that before. He is always calm and composed and I admire him for that composure. I don’t know why he lost it today. Coming back to Satyam, Mr. Raju what made you think that you’ll be able to get away safely after such kind of manipulations in the balance sheet? Earlier it was Maytas and now what made you commit such a heinous act? The devil within us can take over anytime and before we realize it, it’s too late to mend those acts.

Few hours later I went with Papa for driving. I don’t know what happened to me (or the car) today, the engine just went off when I applied brakes and shifted the gear to neutral. It happened a number of times and the honking of impatient people from behind made me more nervous. The experience was just too bad today, though thankfully there was no collision (touch wood).My hands were sweating as I fumbled with the gears ad mist constant honking. I don’t know why people are so impatient, can’t they be see the ‘L’ and be sensible enough to wait. There’s this general perception that women are bad drivers and they better stay away from roads. I know a number of women who drive smartly. I want to be one of those who defy that perception. I may be a slow learner but with adequate practice I’m sure I’ll able to drive through smoothly. I guess even papa must be wondering by know ‘good for nothing girl’. I feel bad when I let down somebody and myself. Hopefully it won’t be bad next time.
I too want to be independent and drive myself to any place rather than relying on others.I just hope and pray that I’ll be able to drive smartly one day and get my driving license without greasing the hands of touts.

Turned 22 on 22!

2008-12-23T23:02:00.000-08:00

It was my B'day two days back.I so wanted to publish this post on 22nd but somehow couldn't make it.So,I guess Xmas eve was meant to be 'the' day.This B'day was somehow special for two reasons.I came into this world on a freezing
cold evening of Monday,22nd December,1986.This birthday also happened to fall on Monday.Moreover,i have completed twenty-two years of my life and the digits sum up to four.The date 22nd also sums up to four.Hence,in a way this birthday was unique in itself.

Unlike this year,It was exceptionally chilly on the day i was born.On top of it,terrorism was at its peak in Bathinda those days.My nani often talks about her experience of that train journey.In those days there was only one train to Bathinda in a day and that too late at night.

On that fateful day,when train was nearing Punjab,it was stopped in the middle of nowhere and all kinds of rumors about train being hijacked started flying around.After around half an hour the train finally started and snaked its way into Bathinda.

The agony of those few hours instantly vanished at the moment she held me in her hands.Being the first child, i was the pomegranate of everyone's eyes.
I'd say pomegranate because i was absolutely crazy about those crystal red beads.I think i was amazingly cute and my parents were quite proud of the 'final product'.
By the way every child is cute but I'll be partial towards me.I was pampered like every other child and i really wish i could turn the wheels of time and relive those years again.

As they say every dog has his day,birthday was my day.Right from distant relatives to long lost fellow classmates,many called up.People with whom i never really interacted much,in college too surprisingly called up.But here's goes the irony,two of my gang members still have no clue about my birthday.They were the ones with whom i celebrated all my birthdays in college.Weird!

I shouldn't hold any grudges but their hypocrisy never ceases to amaze me.Don't know why but,they forget my birthday only.Things changed a lot after a tiff in final
year,though we patched up but i knew from inside that its never gonna be the same again.I'm reminded of words from Careless Whispers

...though its easy to pretend, I know you are not a fool...i'm never gonna dance again the way i danced with you...

.What a lovely song,its one of my favorites.A wise man has said 'Life is too short to hold grudges' so i don't really give a damn.
In the next call,they'll make excuses and with their wise tactics impress me again.

This birthday was a subdued one.For a change,i personally attended all the calls on the landline phone unlike previous years.I had planned to visit my birthplace this year,damn these exams.Few friends complained about my cell being switched off at night but old habits die hard and like every other night i switched it off.A friend called up on landline phone at night and i really appreciate her impromptu gesture.There are some people with whom you feel a connection.You need not say anything, its anytime understood.She is one of those.

This little piece of cake is for my blog,which is now an indispensable part of my life

Is this a coincidence?

2008-11-26T22:52:00.000-08:00

The first voice i heard today in the morning was of a terrorist asking for the release of fellow Mujhaidins.I woke up instantly and saw the rushes of a hotel on fire,bodies being taken to hospitals,a bleeding child etc. India is in the grip of terror again.This is being touted as the worst act of terrorism on India.In fact a news channel called it 9/11 of India.Nothing new,i guess!Repeated occurrences of terror attacks have made us callous by now.They can't scare us anymore.

The moment i picked up today's newspaper i was totally shocked and it had nothing to do with this terrorism thing.Yesterday itself i posted about 'Death' and i happened to mention about bomb blasts.I had written about death and more than hundred people were killed last night.Post coming up hours before that attack,was it just a mere coincidence?Now i am getting a creepy feeling.I read somewhere that there's no such thing as coincidence.Everything happens as per destiny.Did my sub conscience have a bleak signal about this upcoming tragedy?Or am i uselessly creating a mountain out of a mole hill?Can't make out yet.

Yesterday i was uselessly blabbering about a minor issue and now when i see the bigger picture i realize my insanity .Sometimes you get so much entangled in your own web you fail to see that you are going deeper and deeper without realizing the futility of the entire exercise.Thanks to a wise friend I'm glad I'm out of all that,at least for now.

When you look around the world you realize that there are bigger and more important issues which people are coping with and then you realize that yours was not an issue in the first place! After all we are nothing but a small entity in this infinite universe and the moment you realize that,your so called issues themselves start fading.

PS: May the souls of departed rest in peace and i wish for quick recovery of the injured.Amen

Embrace thy fears and death

2008-11-26T03:46:00.000-08:00

The word 'death' arouses an enigmatic feeling within me and that feeling is dark,mystic and intriguing.This may sound weird but it evokes a sense of thrill within me.On the contrary people usually hush away this topic.During our chatty sessions at night whenever i have inadvertently touched upon this subject of discussion I'm interrupted and the topic is changed quickly.I'm told that its not appropriate to discuss about these things and here I'm writing up a full-fledged blog [:p](a friend also suggested this topic).A friend who knows palm reading,once told me that my lifeline is short and I'll die young.I was actually glad to hear that,after all who wants to stay for long in this big bad world.The same night i casually told my parents that i want an electronic or a CNG cremation for myself,after all i don't want to increase my carbon footprint in this era of global warming.They were like 'now where does this come from?' and changed the topic again.Later that night as i pondered over it, i realized that life shouldn't be too short either.

I want to do this...meet so and so ...before i die,so please don't call me too early

I told god and made an agreement.That was about three years back.There's the catch.On one hand we see death as an escape from all our worldly troubles and on the other hand we crave to savor the sinful temptations of this world.These temptations make us hold onto life a little longer.

The sunset and sunrise everyday reminds us of the life-death cycle yet we are so involved in our materialistic and bodily pursuits(ahem!)that we loose touch with reality.Moreover our inflated egos further blinds us from reality.Have you noticed your thoughts when you see images of mutilated and bleeding blast victims,earth quake victims or other casualties?Usually they are like "thank god we are safe","that can't happen to us","lucky to escape that" and so on.Why do we realize the degree of uncertainty in life only when we are confronted with a near death experience or when we bid farewell to a loved one?

Few months back I read a book Many Lives,many masters by Dr. Brien Weiss.The book talks about past lives and reincarnations and how our present lives are affected by our past lives.It gives an insight into what really happens when one dies.One gets to see the divine light and then the soul is floating above the dead body.That book added fuel to my curiosity.I don't know why i feel drawn to these mystic phenomena.This occult stuff is attracting me like a magnet.Eventually my curiosity took over and i Googled past life.A number of links for past life analysis showed up and i selected one of those,this what i got

Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Yugoslavia around the year 1250. Your profession was that of a chemist, alchemist or poison manufacturer.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to conquer jealousy and anger in yourself and then in those who will select you as their guide. You should understand that these weaknesses are caused by fear and self-regret.

Do you remember now?

No, i still don't remember anything as of now!!
I guess i still am a practical person and i am a materialist as well.So it could be partly true.Look at the way technology is progressing,algorithms are being designed to determine your past life!Its like marrying technology with occult sciences.

Many of us fear death,even i do but after reading that book i look at it from a different sphere.Death is nothing but a transformation of your soul from one body to another.As Bhagvad Geeta puts it,its as simple as changing your clothes.Its easy to say all this isn't it.However,suicides and murders still mystify me.I wonder whether those people were destined to die like that or have they interfered with their destiny?If they have,then do they repent for that in their next life?
Just like you can't choose your teacher,boss and your parents,you can't choose your death(Just imagine,what if we could?There shall be no element of uncertainity at all).As i have been told,i do want to die young but i wish few desires of mine get fulfilled before i bid farewell to this world and one of them is getting to meet all of my soul mates.Off late I've been reading up on this and its quite intriguing.
No wonder,I've got some food for thought.

Respect the uniqness plz!!

2008-10-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

Few notions have been lingering in my mind for the past three weeks or rather i should say a series of events seeded these concerns of mine.
Whenever we meet a person, be it an acquaintance or somebody we are meeting for the first time,packets of remarks are dispersed in our intellect."She looks ill","That color doesn't look nice on him","Here she comes,I don't wanna face her" etc.These comments either flash for a microsecond and disappear or lead to some more casual remarks,depending upon our environment.At times we even articulate these remarks but that depends on the level of intimacy we share with that person.

In our society there are certain conventions regarding the behavior and personality of a person.If somebody talks too much we are like "He's a pain in the a**,a complete nuisance!!" and on the other hand if we come across somebody who's reclusive we go like "Uff,he's so quiet.He always bores me to death!!".What makes us think like this?Just because the other person is different from the usual guy/gal you bump into everyday,you kind of label him into another category?This categorization infuriates me and more so when somebody advices "change".

I marvel at the permutations in the personality traits of each individual.So there has to be extremes at both the ends of this spectrum.Each one of us unique in some way or the other and i think we need to acknowledge that individuality rather than imposing our beliefs.I think these beliefs have been embedded in our sub conscious minds and they somehow influence the way we think.

In the last few days there has been a sudden surge in the number of people calling me "reclusive,introverted etc.".Initially i didn't mind these because I am not ashamed of being one but when you get to hear these every second day you tend to loose it.On top of it there's this advice to "change".That hits my nerves.I mean this is not some kind of disease that one needs to get rid of.Why don't people let the other person be the way he/she is?This reaction of mine might be immature but i had to pour it out.A well wisher told me my "ajna" thing is completely blocked and i need 'to take it easy!!'.Guess what! now I'm feeling lighter.Writing always works like medicine for me.But now,i am a getting a feeling that whatever I've written is all bull shit but that is not my concern(its the reader's!!).

In the past twenty years of my life I've had people who have taken undue advantage of my introverted disposition.I've been taken for granted and back stabbed.At a time i had nobody whom i could trust and actually call a real 'friend'.I am sure I'll come across more of such experiences in future and hopefully I'll handle those in a dignified manner.

As a society we have progressed tremendously.There are talks of landing on moon by 2020 but our minds are still clinging onto stereotypes.Just look at the way our government has brushed up the issue of legalizing homosexuality by declaring it as a disease.Couples in live-in relationships still find it hard to rent an apartment in a metropolitan city like Delhi.Noses were turned up even in an institution like St. Stephens at the proposal of a co-ed hostel.There are several India's existing in our India and i wonder when these India's shall unite.