R U M I N A T I O N S

My love!! I am back. A lot has changed since my last post. I have made my entry in to the corporate jungle. And what a jungle it is! The journey began with a huge set back. A dear friend who was supposed to join with me has found another calling. This further reinforced my belief that relationships are painful indeed. I am still trying to adapt and live with the other fellows. They are nice people and now I think it’s safe to call them friends. The transition from campus to corporate is not easy and so we were made to attend a number of workshops. In one of the workshops we were asked to relate ourselves to a cartoon character and I saw myself as Alice, lost in her own wonderland. Really! I feel kind of lost somewhere. I can’t locate an anchor in this tense storm. Unable to use my wings, am drifting with the strong winds. The nightmares are back to haunt me. The other day I was so frightened that I started weeping. Are the nightmares raising their ugly heads because of my own insecurit...

I have been out of touch with self for long. Haphazard thoughts have been strolling in my mind but I couldn’t draw anything tangible from those or perhaps I didn’t put in much effort. I don’t feel stable and grounded any more. Whenever I try to catch those thoughts, they take to the air. It seems my creative and mental faculties are going astray. Enough of me. I intended to reminisce about my first love and look at the coincidence, the very same notebook in which I jotted down these points had extracts from those days. Physics was my first serious love. I was enamored by the Classical laws and theories. The affection started sprouting eight years back. But then, I also fancied Mr. Biology and Ms. Geography. Yes divided affection! Finally I picked one and embraced Ms. Physics with open arms. Like every other relationship, I had my share of testing times as well. Alien concepts like Differentiation, Integration, Dimensions and harmonic frequencies intimidated me. At the same time I was ...

कुछ कहना चाहती थी मगर लफ्ज़ ज़हन में ही कैद रह गए तुम्हारी ख़ुशी और गम्म का रस लेना चाहती थी किन्तु रस भोगने के लिए अपने आइने समान ह्रदय के टुकड़े समेट ना सकी उस गुपत्गु में दिल्ले बय्याँ करना चाहती थी मगर तुम्हारी आँखों के नूर पर परछाई नहीं देख पाती  उन कमज़ोर लम्हों में एक सहारे की तालाश थी लेकिन जिसे हम सहारा समझ बैठे वो एक परछाई निकली चित के प्रेत दिल और दिमाग पर हावी होने लगे ख्वाब और नींद भी साथ छोड़ गए अपने अक्स से नफरत सी होनी लगी थी खोखली ही सही, मगर तुम्हरी हंसी में हम भी हँसे तुम्हारे क़दमों से कदम मिला न सके काश तुमने एक बार मुड के देखा होता तुम ना सही तुम्हारे साए से ही हम बतिया लिया करते थे        Image sourced from deviantART    A conversation in the dead of night with a friend inspired this poem.                                   ...

He woke up with a renewed vigor that morning. After all, that was the last morning of 2009. The New Year virus had infected him as well. Initially, he was cynical about all this hoopla until the previous night. A phone call changed it all. His best friend had somehow convinced him to turn up at an upscale and supposedly “the most happening place to be at on New Year’s Eve”. “But you despised parties” claimed a voice inside him. He gazed at his mirror reflection. “Let me test the waters and take a dip just this once! After all I am just 25”. “You are gonna regret this man”. “What will I wear? A Stubble or a neat look? Stubble should go well with my look". He perceived an unusual spring in his steps that day. Change is always refreshing and there’s no harm in giving it a chance just one last time. Hours ticked away and it was twilight. “You look dashing!” he smiled at himself. “This night shall rein in a new change”. He could sense the revelry in the twilight wind. The sky had a...

I have a confession to make. I didn't really expect anyone to read my last post. I just wrote it for the sake of it. Moreover, i feel that writing in a way unburdens my soul. Alas, a friend and a guest read it. And i am somewhat embarrassed.Fingers crossed this time! GOD! Last night was worse than the previous one! I am still shaken to the core. Strange and weird i must say. I was not feeling good. I had this uneasy and breathlessness feeling. Was it due to excessive carbohydrates in dinner? Or perhaps a psychological issue? Moreover,i caught up with "A Haunting" on Discovery before hitting the sack. Signed in to Gtalk to clarify an issue and went to bed. In the middle of night i regained my consciousness from beta state. I was shivering intensely in my blanket. I was perplexed. Why was this happening? I don't feel that cold usually.The intensity increased as i became more aware of it. My body started aching due to tremors. My mind was like "You are gonna die...

Last night too I had this recurring dream of falling teeth accompanied by bleeding gums and intense pain. Ghastly isn’t it! I woke up with a gloomy sentiment today. I remember reading somewhere that dreams communicate and we have to decipher their meaning. May be I need to visit a dentist or is it something deeper? I Googled ‘recurring dream of falling teeth’ and the results confirmed my intuition.There are several interpretations to it. I choose one that holds good for me. I am nursing a bruised self esteem. Why am I not strong enough to defend her and allow a third party to batter her? Poor baby, every now and then she’s beaten black-and-blue. It’s following a recursive pattern for long. Someone says things and that very night I have this terrible dream. Sigh…I wonder if I am the only one around who’s getting these ghastly visions. I have seen discussions in forums but to this date I have never ever come across a person with a similar problem in real life. I want her to stand o...

Chirping birds are flying to their abodes. My HMT watch reads 17:50. Bitto Chholevaala is gathering his belongings. His job is done for the day. “Lucky chap” I thought to myself. Now he’ll get to spend time with his children. My day or rather night is about to begin. Our band is booked for the next 15 days. At days we have to do double shifts as well. There are no auspicious dates after 14 December this year. It seems as if the entire city wants to marry in these 11 days. No regrets however. I am toiling hard for my family. I want to gift a good lifestyle to my children. I want them to be rich and drive around in big cars. Inshallah , they’ll touch the stars one day. We were told to assemble near the Pepal tree on main road. Most of the band members have arrived. I am 20 minutes late. The tempo carrying the equipments is parked in the corner. I go there and collect my set from the stack of neatly folded starchy white uniforms kept aside a drum. Using handkerchief I sweep off dust fro...