R U M I N A T I O N S

I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I am so pissed off with me and others. I don’t know why I am feeling so let down. The recurring phenomenon of bad dreams has started corroding my psyche. I have heard that dreams are a reflection of subconscious mind so that implies that something somewhere within is just not right. But who’s going to sort out this mess? To clean up all one has to plunge in deep shit and am not very willing to do that. I just want to forget all and let things be and am hoping that this approach works. Period!! There are times when I turn in and start observing the perennial wave of thoughts in order to tame those. Osho calls for observation of this wave, the observation gradually subdues those and they eventually dissolve in space. This is my mind’s graph. Crests and troughs...straight line again followed by crests and troughs. Strange na!! This instability drives me insane at times, at one moment I am calm as a sea and the next instant I venture into a for...

Life…beautiful and a bit messy: P I have almost made it to the quarter milestone of my life’s journey and I don’t know how many more such milestones are to be traversed. Shit! It’s like a simple labyrinth. I almost have all that I had wished for (or do I?), intentionally or otherwise. A job...Check and hey I so wanted to work for PwC and yes am supposedly employed by them, cool environment at work...Check, monthly pay...uhmm can say not bad! But it’s far behind my set target for this milestone. Diamonds...check plus a rider, they are not self bought. A PSP and an ipod... a big question mark! Good friends...Check! Friends for life...uhmm can’t say! Attend a close friend’s marriage...naah not yet. Movie every weekend...forget it! A nice long relaxing holiday...?? A friend to share all at workplace...CHECK! Lucky me...I literally spend my entire day with her 5 days a week! My own car...sighs!! Only in my dream. Personal growth...uhmm yes sort of. Variety in wardrobe...well yes but the...

Yes Obama did it! And India reveled in the pleasure. India and Obama make a fantastic pair.This relationship has finally hit a new high. Both are going around and painting the town red (read Media). For long, India has been trying hard to seduce America and outwit the charms of courtesan Pakistan. I’d like to believe America still has a soft corner for Pakistan, though these days it can’t help but be allured by the oomph of this Young, bold and brazen country. Media is going berserk with this liaison. By telecasting this affair they have got sumptuous fodder to feed the hungry common man cow. Newspapers could finally put the ink in their publishing machinery to good use. Columnists and of course bloggers like me have got intellectual matter to ponder upon and exercise those indolent creative cells in brain. Speculations of this visit by the head of the most powerful country in the world started since the day Obama took those Presidential vows. Will he or won’t he? Considering the fac...

Sweetheart I have so many things on my mind right now! Phew!! Yesterday night I was contemplating an introspective kind of post for you. But then today’s day turned out to be pretty eventful. I’d like to share a few tit bits with you. I wanted to spend my last holiday in peace at home, maybe catch up with pending reading stuff. However, fate had other plans for me…Now! I hadn’t anticipated the velocity and force of the so called plans. Here it goes... It was a long drive to my cousin’s place and the drive on a November morning was a pleasure. I believe Delhi is at its best in November and December. There was a slight nip in the air and the smog due to Diwali was persistent this morning as well. A signboard that said ‘Connect with Life’ caught my eye. “I am already connected to life, in fact, I am hooked:D “I told myself assertively. Two semi naked kids were offering marigold flowers to Ganesha and Laxmi idols on a footpath near a traffic signal. They had that naive look on their faces...

Dear blog, It’s been a long gap and why? I had no stuff to ponder upon apart from all my negativities. Great! I guess for now I am away from all that. I just don’t want to give importance to self doubts; they can wait for the time being. Let us get going with the good stuff! Wohoo! It’s been raining incessantly since morning and the sound of rain drops splattering on the roof is music to ears. Very often, this sound gets drowned in daily melancholy and we miss out on it. We are so tangled up with our non-sense chain of thoughts that we are unable to savor nature’s nectars. Freshly polished leaves glisten in the sun’s light. The mischievous mind starts racing again. Here, there and everywhere. I think our thoughts can easily surpass the speed of light, be it in air or vacuum. What an efficient factory our mind is! There are visions, impulsive cravings, positive, stable and negative notions. Cravings and visions inspire our actions. Actions in turn trigger reactions. Reactions fuel more...

Dear Blog Look at me! Waves of restlessness are creating havoc in mind’s abode, trembling hands, sleep disturbed by persistent nightmares and a void created by an asteroid called “ennui”. Ain’t I sick? No I’d like to believe. I am cool, mast and bindaas. I know I’ll somehow manage to sail through this storm and hit the shore. Everyone is doing it and I am equally capable. However, the BIG QUESTION is am I hitting the right shore? I don’t know whether it’s too late or too early to ask this question. They say everything in life happens for good and I realize that somewhere down the line I am living the kind of life that I had visualized years back. I somehow knew that I would eventually end up in this field and would be doing this kind of work. But now, at this stage, I apprehend that I don’t want to be doing this forever. This is not aligned with my current vision. N number of years later I see myself as a contended person, done with all my whims and fancies, sipping in the scenic beaut...

Allah,I seek refuge from my alter ego. She bullies me, mocks my beliefs and jeers my hopes. I avow “This is not me”; “I am you dear, no running away from me. I am your present, past and future”. I conjecture she’s going to be my companion throughout my life span. So I better be on good terms with her rather than brood over her presence. It’s not that I detest her. She’s follows me everywhere, I walk she walks behind me, I stop she stops. She is here there and everywhere in my being. Indulgence is her forte. She pampers me like a queen and makes me believe that “I am special”. However, when clocks tick tocks in darker milieus she vanishes in thin air.”O dearest form! Whither thou escapeth?” I wish to seek solace, yet she’s nowhere to be found. With a limp walk I tread on the highway of broken hopes and daunting dreams. I turn back, no traces of her. It’s a moonless night. Howling wolves send jitters down my spine. I pause for a moment and go on. A bright sunny morning greets me. I turn...