Sunday, April 11, 2010

Null effect

Greatest is the man who knows himself inside out. I was under the wrong impression that I knew myself pretty well until yesterday. One of my close friends threw extra luminous light on that area. Caught me at last!! Browsing my previous scribbling in this notebook (where I wrote this in ink) made me sit up and take notice of the quantum leap in my thinking factory. God! I was so good at this writing business in those days. I adore the way I connected and weaved magic into ideas and words. I used to be so connected with the soul within. WOW! Now, I wonder on which street I have lost the number to link within.

On the facade everything looks well and feels great. However when I look closer beneath the lens, it’s all dark. Delving deeper like a curious kid with widened eyes I perceive vacuum and technically it is known as “NULL”. This NULL brings about a “something amiss” sentiment. I eagerly look forward to Friday evening on each day of the week and when it’s the weekend days I no longer enjoy weekend outings the way I used to. Every morning I have to push myself to get to work. There’s absolutely nothing to look forward to in the day. Very often the gravitational force plays with my center of gravity and it sinks to the bottom. This reminds of Archimedes’ principle of buoyancy. To stay afloat a body has to displace fluid equal to its weight. Now, am I not displacing “ “? But then displace what? Waves within are interfering destructively these days. The source of light needs to be aligned properly so as to enable them to interfere constructively. I am so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful and not so wonderful people.

At times I get thoughts like “I want to stay alone few years down the line” and then there are moments when I want to voice my chain of thoughts but I am stuck with “To whom should I narrate?” and then that chain gradually drowns in the sea of NULL. It’s kind of funny isn’t it? Quite similar to the situation of a five year old who wants to narrate his innocuous opinions to an unwilling elder sibling. And when probed further by his granny he has nothing to say. That’s how it is with me these days.

At times my “state of disbelief” shows on my countenance and I have people questioning me. I shrug it off as “nothing, just bored” for I have no words to express the ever expanding vacuum effect. Very often I successfully befool myself but eyes and mirror never lie. Those eyes in the reflection always arrest me. And it’s not just those deep eyes. There are smart friends and family members who somehow catch this strange signal of Null effect. Questions are bowled and I hit them to the off-side. Hahaha…such a “womp” I am. Really, it amuses me and it amuses them as well :P I am treading dangerously on the thin line of trust. But I am loving this game :D Gives me a strange pleasure….Such a “Womp” I am.