Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Obama did it!

Yes Obama did it! And India reveled in the pleasure. India and Obama make a fantastic pair.This relationship has finally hit a new high. Both are going around and painting the town red (read Media). For long, India has been trying hard to seduce America and outwit the charms of courtesan Pakistan. I’d like to believe America still has a soft corner for Pakistan, though these days it can’t help but be allured by the oomph of this Young, bold and brazen country. Media is going berserk with this liaison. By telecasting this affair they have got sumptuous fodder to feed the hungry common man cow. Newspapers could finally put the ink in their publishing machinery to good use. Columnists and of course bloggers like me have got intellectual matter to ponder upon and exercise those indolent creative cells in brain.

Speculations of this visit by the head of the most powerful country in the world started since the day Obama took those Presidential vows. Will he or won’t he? Considering the fact that Clinton and Bush notched up their popularity charts by landing here in India, the news of his November visit hardly came as a surprise. Clinton was a charmer. His charisma won him millions of hearts and that million included mine too :P I was in school then and Clinton was fresh out of this Lewinsky scandal. Lucky Lewinsky, I don’t blame her at all. My school friends used to tease me about that since Lewinsky and I share the first name. I confess blog, I secretly enjoyed those taunts and those Monicaaaa oh my darling lines!! That reminds me of my school friend Yukti, she still writes those lines on FB. Love you Yukti :)

Bush’s visit didn’t create that magic and flutter. After all, it’s difficult to match up to Clinton’s standards. His visit to ITC Maurya’s Bukhara raised that place to another league. I am hoping I get to visit that place one fine day and savor that famous Clinton platter. Such futile and worldly dreams I have no! Cut back to present. Obama and Michelle’s trip enchanted us and we wanted the fairy tale to go on and on. Obama’s oratory skills are eminent and he added zing to his speech by referring to Vivekananda, Gandhi and Ambedkar. Applauds in Parliament and repeated telecasts of his profound speech made me proud to witness this historic moment. The moment that catapulted India into a new league. Obama initially acted pricey, he had that difficult to be pleased and snotty aura around him. However, his speech indicated that he has accepted India’s proposal and is ready for the next step.

I marvel at the games these dignitaries and high profile people play. They know how to fixate their images in minds of people and conquer their hearts. All they have to do is sprinkle their speech with certain ‘personalized references’ and everyone concerned will surly sit up and take notice. Everyone loves attention isn’t it? It’s all about playing the right cards to captivate and then etching out an image in the hearts of public. Looking at it practically, he promised nothing great to India. Just a few assurances as per my knowledge and a few deals here and there. Oh I forgot!! Assurances do weigh a lot when they come from the most powerful man in the world. It is hoped that his next trip includes his daughters as well. Be our guests!!Atithi Devo Bhava

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I have time on my side...


I have so many things on my mind right now! Phew!! Yesterday night I was contemplating an introspective kind of post for you. But then today’s day turned out to be pretty eventful. I’d like to share a few tit bits with you.

I wanted to spend my last holiday in peace at home, maybe catch up with pending reading stuff. However, fate had other plans for me…Now! I hadn’t anticipated the velocity and force of the so called plans. Here it goes...

It was a long drive to my cousin’s place and the drive on a November morning was a pleasure. I believe Delhi is at its best in November and December. There was a slight nip in the air and the smog due to Diwali was persistent this morning as well. A signboard that said ‘Connect with Life’ caught my eye. “I am already connected to life, in fact, I am hooked:D “I told myself assertively. Two semi naked kids were offering marigold flowers to Ganesha and Laxmi idols on a footpath near a traffic signal. They had that naive look on their faces. Meters ahead I saw an aged couple dodging cars, supporting each other and walking hand in hand. “I have seen and grabbed all, don’t want to live that long” I wondered. “Oh! Now don’t get started again”, “Got the stones, now all my wishes have been granted, can die in peace!” “Uff, there’s a lot to be explored, time knows when you’ll breath last so shut up and let it play it’s game, till then enjoy the bliss in each moment” Sigh. See! Several sides of me!

Finally I landed at my first destination. “Hey you look smarter than before!” Mind said ‘Tadda Danger ahead’. After we all were settled down and done with the greetings and niceties bang came the grand missile shots. An elder cousin casually asked “Are you single or are you going around with someone?” “Still single!! That’s boring”. Megha you are a dead duck! She has apparently shortlisted a ‘Smart and a handsome guy’ for me.”Please!I don’t want to”. “He too cribs like you! Don’t worry he will settle down in a year or two…I just wanted to let you know”. “Is he your friend?” “No just a colleague of mine”. Megha Ignore!! “Btw when do you intend to…” “Not now atleast! 3-4 years later may be” “Hmmmmmmmmmm”. Phew! Thank god! I successfully dodged those missiles. It got over then and there but somehow I knew that this was not the end.

Take Two!! Sabse badhe vale chacha. “How’s the work going? You are permanent now right!” “Permanency does not belong to the dictionary of private sector”. So, he asked my dad “Is she ready?” He looked at me, I looked the other way. “Ask her” and all eyes were on me. The spotlight was on me like in Yash Raj’s Dil toh Pagal ha.I had that “Kya ha” look on my face. “Not now”. Then “When?2 months, 6months?” “3 years” “Naa! That would be too late” “I had a proposal from a family friend, the guy is in TCS with a really good package. He won’t wait that long”. Who cares I wondered. And moreover TCS !! That bloody company has rejected me twice. I have pledged to never ever be associated with that company. Ughh!! I am still a naïve kid, why are these people in such a hurry. My cousin probably knew what was going on in my mind because she too had those same dilemmas few years back. “Megha I understand your concerns, but you see you’ll have to compromise once you cross the 25 barrier. Then you’ll have to ultimately go for Uncle Type’s. I don’t want to see you compromising.” Then she supported her arguments with examples of her friend and friend’s friend who are still single and looking because they had tantrums like me. “I have career issues, am still not sorted.”The end.

Take three!! The next chacha. Aunty was complaining “I have all the time and money to explore new places but my knee pain doesn’t permit those explorations!” I casually told mom “See, this is my age to see new things, later on I will also complain like this. So take me to new unexplored destinations” “Get married and explore the world with your hubby” exclaimed my cousin who’s five days younger than me. “Hello, now you don’t start off…why don’t you get hitched?” “I am a guy and you are a girl and moreover I’ll marry a younger girl so you see I have years. You, my sister are already late” “Kyaa!! Don’t you worry!” “I am your brother! Who else will worry” “Later we’ll talk about this not now” “Tere ko koi pasand kyun ni aata! Choose your own guy, life would be easier for your parents also”. I choose to stay quiet. For one, why should I settle so early! I am still so kiddish. This is one reason I avoid social gatherings. Moreover, I absolutely abhor the formalities and these people will object to my ideas. I’ll be absconding for sure :P that’s my crazy bollywoodish idea. Blog keep this a secret sssssssshhhh What an eventful day today was!! Loved the ups and downs :P Am still in the don’t care mood regarding marriage vows. I have time on my side…amen :)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Shopping dilemmas

Dear blog,

It’s been a long gap and why? I had no stuff to ponder upon apart from all my negativities. Great! I guess for now I am away from all that. I just don’t want to give importance to self doubts; they can wait for the time being. Let us get going with the good stuff! Wohoo!

It’s been raining incessantly since morning and the sound of rain drops splattering on the roof is music to ears. Very often, this sound gets drowned in daily melancholy and we miss out on it. We are so tangled up with our non-sense chain of thoughts that we are unable to savor nature’s nectars. Freshly polished leaves glisten in the sun’s light. The mischievous mind starts racing again. Here, there and everywhere. I think our thoughts can easily surpass the speed of light, be it in air or vacuum. What an efficient factory our mind is! There are visions, impulsive cravings, positive, stable and negative notions. Cravings and visions inspire our actions. Actions in turn trigger reactions. Reactions fuel more thoughts and so on. I don’t really want to delve into philosophical realms as of now though this weather is conducive for such philosophical deliberations. May be I am beginning to take this ‘dadi ma’ term a bit seriously.

Let’s talk young: P Yesterday evening I went shopping with a dear friend. I must say, an evening well spent. I remember few harried faces of husbands and boyfriends who had tagged along with their partners. The expressions on their faces hahaha…my God! “Yes this is good, take it and let us go” said he and the discontented female goes like “No! This is too simple, tell me na…how about this?” .I marveled at both of them. The man, who was blindly giving opinions without even caring to look at the object in question and the ever confused female who couldn’t make up her mind and was asking for approval from a disinterested companion. Who’s to be blamed? I would say both. We girls are as always Confused! Most of us are not comfortable with our bodies. Either we are too short, too thin, too fair(Yes!), too dark or too tall and how can I forget too fat! On top of it, not many of us can visualize the outfit on our bodies. It takes a trial to accept or reject an outfit; of course trials are important so as to check the fit but we have a tendency to carry tons of them for trial. Sigh! It gets too tedious for the male companion waiting outside and then again he nods half heartedly “Looks fine” and she goes like “Naa! I don’t like it, let me show you the other one and please get me a smaller size for this one in the mean time”. I so pitied that guy. He was carrying a baby in his arms, poor thing! How boring it must have been for the baby as well. There was another interesting scenario, a lady was choosing lingerie and was taking opinions from her man. He looked a bit embarrassed and was like “Good, let’s go”. I mean come on, she is the one who’s going to wear it and she has to take a call on fit and comfort. How in the world would he know?

Now, let me take a look from the other side of the fence. We girls proudly acknowledge the fact that we can’t make up our mind easily when it comes choosing for self. So, that’s why we tag along our partners or friends so that they help while short listing garments. Generally, we avoid girl friends because they never ever give true opinions. They get jealous easily and we are apprehensive of their choices (“She wears such nice outfits but while shopping she picks up third class items for me, why is she so jealous of my figure! Bitch!”). So, we prefer male company. They are straight forward and we are always the “most beautiful woman in the world “for them. They flaunt us to the world. So, we deserve a nod of approval from them don’t we? We painstakingly shortlist sexy, bright and elegant outfits and all that we ask for is their nod for the best amongst those. The one that would flatter our figure, conceal that puppy fat and makes us feel like “the most beautiful woman in the world”. While short listing we get confused. The color of one is nice, the style of other is nice and cut of the other is flattering and so on. So one by one we try on the garments and look at you for your suggestions. You nonchalantly say “Yes, baby you look gorgeous in this” to all. “How in the world can you say that? Are you color blind or what? Can’t you make out that I look fat in this?”There in lies the problem. You guys ought to be frank and be man enough to say “This makes you look fat!” Rather than nodding blindly to all.
Amazing! Both the parties are right in their own way, can’t blame either of them.

All I will say is, Guys be patient and be frank! Girls, don’t let the variety get to your head, pick wisely(Again, can’t help the Dadi trait :P). I hope my friend is not going to kill me for this. Though, I’d like to believe that I was patient and frank with my opinions. I too belong to the fairer sex and have my own share of confusions and nakhras:P(See, I am so honest). I think I would make a perfect style consultant. That would be like the best job in the world :D

PS- This was a nice hatke post! Blog I hope you love this one :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Futile and fruitful life

Dear Blog

Look at me! Waves of restlessness are creating havoc in mind’s abode, trembling hands, sleep disturbed by persistent nightmares and a void created by an asteroid called “ennui”. Ain’t I sick? No I’d like to believe. I am cool, mast and bindaas. I know I’ll somehow manage to sail through this storm and hit the shore. Everyone is doing it and I am equally capable. However, the BIG QUESTION is am I hitting the right shore? I don’t know whether it’s too late or too early to ask this question. They say everything in life happens for good and I realize that somewhere down the line I am living the kind of life that I had visualized years back. I somehow knew that I would eventually end up in this field and would be doing this kind of work. But now, at this stage, I apprehend that I don’t want to be doing this forever. This is not aligned with my current vision.

N number of years later I see myself as a contended person, done with all my whims and fancies, sipping in the scenic beauty of hills and living a fruitful life rather than existing selfishly. I want to be able to make a difference to the life of others in a positive way. I confess, today I am living a selfish life. I slog so as to earn. Money that I end up spending on my impulsive useless materialistic luxuries. How mean of me!! I don’t even require those things and I rarely use them, but still I purchase them in an attempt to fill up the small gaps in void. In the process, those gaps are replaced but new bigger holes are also created. I do realize that this kind of happiness is shallow and momentary. The source of perennial happiness is within me and I am yet to discover that.

It seems my mid life crisis has hit me in the first half. At times, I get this feeling that I am living a worthless and a futile life. I am not useful to anyone at all, so why not end it. I want to meet my grandparents and my mama up above. But then the emotional ties stop me. I don’t want to be a source of pain and agony to all those who cherish me.

I know this is a passing phase and tomorrow shall bring new surprises with it. So sorry my dear blog, I am writing all crap out here. But then you are one of those who has silently stood up to me in dark phases and I can see the reflection of my past in you.
Love you :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Allah,I seek refuge from my alter ego. She bullies me, mocks my beliefs and jeers my hopes. I avow “This is not me”; “I am you dear, no running away from me. I am your present, past and future”. I conjecture she’s going to be my companion throughout my life span. So I better be on good terms with her rather than brood over her presence. It’s not that I detest her. She’s follows me everywhere, I walk she walks behind me, I stop she stops. She is here there and everywhere in my being. Indulgence is her forte. She pampers me like a queen and makes me believe that “I am special”.

However, when clocks tick tocks in darker milieus she vanishes in thin air.”O dearest form! Whither thou escapeth?” I wish to seek solace, yet she’s nowhere to be found. With a limp walk I tread on the highway of broken hopes and daunting dreams. I turn back, no traces of her. It’s a moonless night. Howling wolves send jitters down my spine. I pause for a moment and go on.

A bright sunny morning greets me. I turn, WOW! She’s back! “I am not talking to you! Where were you last night? “. She didn’t say a word. “No way! You can’t tag along with me” I exclaim. She’s silent. I give up thinking. Hours passed by and then it flashed to me. It was a moonless night, hence she wasn’t exactly visible. In fact, she was the one who gave me courage to walk on when my feet had frozen in fear. She was the light in my darkest hour.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Got my wings ;)

Hahahahahaha...what’s with me today? I can’t stop chuckling since morning. Hahahahhahaha...there I go again. The alcoholic monsoon season has intoxicated me. Perhaps my desire has come true :P Last to last week I had naively asked a friend to get me wings from his spiritual trip. Ain’t I crazy? How can a human being fly! Yet I wanted to and I think am flying today. Realllllyyyyyyyyy high up above…not literally yet but that’s how am feeling today. Hahahahhahahaha...am Mad! Wild and what not! And no I haven’t had Red Bull. These wings have evolved naturally. Thank you Veenu :) You fulfilled your promise. I pestered for wings like one idiotic woman that day…unbelievable! And man, today it feels as if I have got those. Blog, however weird and foolish your desires are, don’t sweep them away in a corner.

I want to fly and shit on my superior’s shoulder and manager’s eyes...hahahahahahah wouldn’t that be awesome! Sheesh I don’t want to think about those two and spoil the party. Know what! Want to go somewhere distant…aahh yes I see a giant cliff. Wow! The green valley spread viewed from up above is magnificent. I can feel the piercingly chilly and violent wind brushing past my countenance. Jittery! Impulsively I raise my arms and close my eyes. The adrenaline rush charges me and I jump. The powerful gravitational force comes into play. I am buzzing in to the forest cover down at a lightning fast speed. Whooooooooooooooo......what a rush! And then nanoseconds before I hit the base I steer and accelerate to the right. Soar up high in the sky. The mere imagination of all this gives me a high: P

I so want to go to a jail today and spend a night there. A Fanatical whim! I told you blog, am displaced today and am loving it….hahahahahahaha. What’s with this new found fascination for jails? I think I should get back to driving :P Then this whim too shall be fulfilled ;) Oh God! I need to set an appointment with a psychiatrist ...Hahahahahahaha.

Another foolish desire of mine was to splash in a mud pond. That would have been fun. Alas, it didn’t rain out here. Besides, mum would have had given me those Strict Mommy looks if I did that. However, I made up for the mud thing by eating a mango in the traditional style. Eating with hands and sucking the sweet flesh. It got really messy. My hands were wet with juice; the area around mouth was smeared with mango flesh. I tell u blog, it was fun getting dirty.

The dormant child within me has indeed woken up today dear blog. She wants to play around, giggle randomly, create unnecessary fuss and just do everything impulsively. Hahahahahahahaha can’t stop chuckling today dear blog. 4th July…hmmm Nothing special today yet everything seems so different. My birthday is months and months away and I don’t feel the same on that day. Okk…I should stop thinking over it. Live in the moment! Hahahahahahhhahahahah....and am not drunk blog. Don’t look at me like that :P I am insanely sane and abnormally abnormal. LOLZ and am loooooooovvvvvvving it :D

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Weddings, Kites and Photos

Ahh…The Grand Indian Wedding season is back with a bang! Sheesh…and everyone around me is crazy about it. Crazy about being hitched as well as attending the dos. Wow! What’s with me? Am I the only psycho who gets paranoid when it comes to attending a shaadi ?

It all began last weekend. I saw an invitation card that read 29th May 2010. My first thought was like “Who cares? I don’t even know the groom”. I made it clear to my folks, am not attending this one. I successfully dodged the engagement night. PROUD OF THAT :) Had fun with my buddy at home sweet home. We started planning a weekend trip to some nearby place. That ways, I wouldn’t have to bother about attending the ceremony. And luckily both of us had got a green signal from our respective folks; though with Conditions apply tag. We made our best efforts to convince parties to join us but I guess whatever is destined to happen, happens. It was written in Black letters “Monica will be attending the Shaadi”. And I was trying my best to con this. The trip planning didn’t bear any fruit. I told mum that I don’t want to go, would rather stay home and take rest after a hectic week. I got the following Gyaan from my enlightened family members

“You are not the only person on this planet who works!”

“Everyone was asking ‘Megha kyun nahi aayi’ on Thursday and we don’t want to entertain any more of such queries on Saturday”

“You better get used to attending such dos at this age else it would be problematic later”

“Your friends are much dear to you than family! Why so? No more outings if you don’t come along”

“It’s been ages, catch up with your cousins! It’s healthy for survival in society!”

God! Didn’t have the strength to argue further. So, I told myself “Go Girl! You like the view of parked planes from the expressway, go for that visual treat, and no more boring suits, flaunt your skirt: P“This is how I persuaded my heart to tag along. The shady skies, a gentle cool breeze and the distant cuckooing sound cajoled me to move out. How I wished I could spend that evening with my dear buddies (No meeting this weekend! Sad :|). Moreover, a pampering session with a buddy had lifted up my spirits, had a great time with her.

It was drizzling when we moved out. The settings were perfect for a long drive. Rusty orange sky and tiny rain droplets gleaming in the street light, it was as if Gods up above were whispering “Darling! This for you, don’t be upset”. A lovely song playing on the car stereo made me ecstatic. It’s still reverberating in my head. Still can’t get enough of it!

Breeze ruffled my freshly pampered hair at the venue. “Not very crowded, I should be fine here” I comforted myself. Aunties unknown to me surrounded my folks. I moved away and saw them looking at me warily through the corner of their eyes. Minutes later, the cousins came in to my rescue. It was nice to catch up with them after ages. The bonding that we shared many moons ago was conspicuous by its absence. Geographies have played their game well. I did manage to convince all for a short weekend trip, Hopefully this shall see the light of the day.

PS-Another wedding coming up next week! God Help me!
Shuru ho gayi kahani meri, mere dil ne baat na maani meri...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Nostalgic fever

Wow! What a relaxing night…simply lying down, no blues to bother me. Feels divine: D Perhaps a friend’s exuberant air has infected me too and I am not complaining. A nostalgic sentiment is sprouting within me yet again. The last examination has aroused the dormant sentimental seeds . Seeds which were rendered inert by the daily hustle bustle and emotional torrents. Words dodge me…“O Evil mind! Quit playing hide and seek”.

I marvel at my college days. Those “Hard on ass” wooden benches (Ouch!) can’t replace the cushioned comfort of ergonomic chairs but I am longing to sit on those benches yet again. The centrally air conditioned environs can’t pacify the ruffled feathers within. I was better off in the humid classroom.

All these thoughts bring about a subtle smile on my face. Thanks to DIAS, I have a fantastic circle of friends. Each one is extraordinary in his or her own way. I feel I am a different person today, a better version of my previous self. The way all pieces of the puzzle have fit in perfectly, astonish me. We are so different, yet we bonded so well(Touch Wood!). Basic chemistry, opposite ions have a greater attractive force! I think we were destined to meet somehow or the other.

Cut back to the present. I think there’s a mystic connection that is evolving and getting better week by week. I have this feeling that I get a whiff of what’s going on in the other’s mind. Very often, when I am thinking of so and so, the phone beeps to announce a text from the very same person. Vice versa too is very common nowadays. Perhaps, I am wrong or may be right! And it’s not just with me; others too can make out my ruminations at times. And am afraid, they hit the bull’s eye: P Wow! Isn’t that awesome? I am loving these mind reading games!

Small adjustments in time schedules so that we meet up at least once in a week, waiting, and then being at your best behavior so as to incite the late comers: P Then going out of the route to drop at door steps, despite of being down and tired. Have no words to express the kind of relationship level we are heading to. I must add, it could be dangerous. God Forbid, saying Good Byes would be harder, way beyond my imagination. Why worry when present is so perfect! I just hope that our bond continues to grow stronger and stronger,weekend by weekend.

PS-I was reading my slam book and God! I exclaimed. Was I that good really? High end words for me written by high end minds!Those were the days…Sigh! Anyhow a great mind had said “Change is the only constant” .Learning to cope up with the change!
Want to write more but words dodge me, i used to write so effortlessly. "CHANGE" :(

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Null effect

Greatest is the man who knows himself inside out. I was under the wrong impression that I knew myself pretty well until yesterday. One of my close friends threw extra luminous light on that area. Caught me at last!! Browsing my previous scribbling in this notebook (where I wrote this in ink) made me sit up and take notice of the quantum leap in my thinking factory. God! I was so good at this writing business in those days. I adore the way I connected and weaved magic into ideas and words. I used to be so connected with the soul within. WOW! Now, I wonder on which street I have lost the number to link within.

On the facade everything looks well and feels great. However when I look closer beneath the lens, it’s all dark. Delving deeper like a curious kid with widened eyes I perceive vacuum and technically it is known as “NULL”. This NULL brings about a “something amiss” sentiment. I eagerly look forward to Friday evening on each day of the week and when it’s the weekend days I no longer enjoy weekend outings the way I used to. Every morning I have to push myself to get to work. There’s absolutely nothing to look forward to in the day. Very often the gravitational force plays with my center of gravity and it sinks to the bottom. This reminds of Archimedes’ principle of buoyancy. To stay afloat a body has to displace fluid equal to its weight. Now, am I not displacing “ “? But then displace what? Waves within are interfering destructively these days. The source of light needs to be aligned properly so as to enable them to interfere constructively. I am so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful and not so wonderful people.

At times I get thoughts like “I want to stay alone few years down the line” and then there are moments when I want to voice my chain of thoughts but I am stuck with “To whom should I narrate?” and then that chain gradually drowns in the sea of NULL. It’s kind of funny isn’t it? Quite similar to the situation of a five year old who wants to narrate his innocuous opinions to an unwilling elder sibling. And when probed further by his granny he has nothing to say. That’s how it is with me these days.

At times my “state of disbelief” shows on my countenance and I have people questioning me. I shrug it off as “nothing, just bored” for I have no words to express the ever expanding vacuum effect. Very often I successfully befool myself but eyes and mirror never lie. Those eyes in the reflection always arrest me. And it’s not just those deep eyes. There are smart friends and family members who somehow catch this strange signal of Null effect. Questions are bowled and I hit them to the off-side. Hahaha…such a “womp” I am. Really, it amuses me and it amuses them as well :P I am treading dangerously on the thin line of trust. But I am loving this game :D Gives me a strange pleasure….Such a “Womp” I am.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


“There’s something strange about today! “ I wondered. I saw a pair of house sparrows flying past a tree. They are getting extinct day by day and I could not recollect their last sight. A purplish twilight tinge was splashed across the sky in late morning, a bizarre sight. I saw a bright green pair of eyes staring at us. I was startled for a moment. A soft meow appeased my nerves. I gave him a fleeting look from the corner of my eyes. Like me, he too was savoring the nectar bliss of environs. We are so alike I observed, perhaps these similarities triggered those tender feelings and now these very similarities are eating into our alliance I marveled. “A lot has changed in the past one month, you realize that Meghna?” he said. “I do”. An awkward pause ensued. “Ok! Let me get things straight. My affection has divided, I want you to meet her once and see for yourself.Game for it?” He asked fervently. I was expecting those words but I couldn’t contain my shock. I went all blank. “OK, be easy” he exclaimed.

He took out two stones from his pocket and started rubbing them together. I saw the shadow of a horse with wings on soil and the next instant a blue colored Pegasus was landing before us, his white wings flapping in monsoon breeze. “Let’s go for a ride, come”. He took my hand and led me to his vehicle. Pegasus soared high in the sky. I felt my heart thumping and blood racing through the veins. His hands curled up my waist so as to placate me. Wind playing with my curled locks and that whizzing sound enthralled me.

“WOW! Man I love this”. “Let’s go higher up there; I want to touch that cloud”. The Pegasus ascended and it was all foggy around. “Am I dreaming? This is ethereal”. A relaxing feeling was overcoming my being. I felt dizzy and then it all went black.

Water droplets jolted me out of trance. I opened my eyes in a cozy cottage. “You fine dear? Sip this you’ll feel better”. I snatched the tumbler from his hands and smashed it on floor. “Why am I here? Get to the point”. “Look!” He extended a leaf wrapped baby into my lap. “I am cursed with Prestunia. Look at her, she’s such an angel. I call her Alice and she’s a garden fairy.” He was choked. I was speechless. “I have to raise her and am cursed to be a loner, I love you but I can’t escape the curse, hope you know what I mean. I don’t really believe in rebirth , but if I were to be born again then I would want to have a soul mate like you if not you exactly”. “Mister! Done with your high on emotions scene? I dump you and Please! I don’t want a partner like you in my next life”. I got up, glanced at the leaf wrapped baby, walked up to the window and flew out with the baby.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

A Walk

I slung my bag on shoulder and held his hand with renewed warmth. Together we stepped out into a new morning, a morning that shall perhaps open a new chapter in our relationship. Damp sand was imprinted with millions of tiny rain droplets. That invigorating wet earth fragrance evoked tender emotions. Pearl like rain drops on freshly washed green leaves were shimmering in the morning sun. “What a rejuvenating morning after a dull night!” I exclaimed. He smiled his charming smile. The magic was coming alive yet again. Last night was the blackest of all. Our love had died a thousand deaths. His silence pierced a thousand holes in my heart. I was drained by his apathy and had given up on our further association. “This is it, I am walking out tomorrow” I had resolved. Walking out on those 2 years of our association was not an easy decision. I am not the kind of person who once hitched lets go easily. The force of attraction was following the curve of exponential decay. We were no longer fond of each other. Doubts, confusion and monotony had eclipsed our affections. I was cursing myself for having agreed to join him on this trip and give our relationship one last final chance. But this morning was like a crazy dream come true. Probably a garden pixie had whispered goodie goodie things in his ear. I was stunned to see bright shades in his persona. “Come on lazy bum! Let’s go for a walk and iron out all the creases” He exclaimed.

Jet black road bathed by rains last night greeted us. I sensed a strange newness in my surroundings. Was it due to downpour? Or was it my intuition that was whispering “Change will knock your doors soon!”

To be continued...

This kid with bright innocent eyes swept me off my feet.

Different hues of spring

Monday, March 1, 2010

Colors of silence

The gloss of spring born leaves caught my sight today afternoon. A gentle breeze swayed past those new adornments and produced a soft and melodious sound. A sparrow chirped and added to the notes. The giant blue sky and fluffy cottony clouds completed the scenery. I savored the beauty and tranquility of my surroundings. It was enchanting and intoxicating. Yes, I was getting high. Time just stopped by and I wanted the moment to freeze. An unusual serenity overwhelmed me. Wow! I loved that feeling. It’s not every day that you sit up and take notice of your daily environs. It is there before you, calling you out silently and you choose to look away rather than delving in the magnificence of nature.

Bright and colorful flowers smiled at me. I touched the petals and sensed the smooth and velvety texture. They evoked a spirited feeling and yet they were silent. Their silence spoke volumes of our apathy. I pondered; we humans are so dependent on words. We use words to express our sentiments. These flowers need no words to gauge our temper. They savor our coldness and doldrums without any complaints and demands. No matter what, you’ll always find them jolly.

Black grapes, one of my favorite fruits are a lifelong buddy. Those juicy black pearls rejuvenate my taste buds. It is so magical. Without any squeals they silently crush beneath my teeth and ooze out their nectar. WOW!

We rarely notice the resources at our disposal and acknowledge their presence and importance. They are our silent heroes. I recently paid a visit to the neighborhood cobbler. I was taken aback by his humble persona. Actually I was elated; such kinds of people do exist even today. In the past few days I have come across a number of down to earth souls. People like these, reinforce the fact that bright shades do exist and shine in this largely gray world.

Today is Holi, the festival of colors. Of late I have observed that in a mixed group of boys and girls, boys enjoy splashing colors on a particular girl of their liking :P It has happened with me as well. It's like they get a license to flirt with the object of their affection on holi. This festival does bring people closer :P
A line is playing in my mind, I’ll close this post with that.

Kitni akele thi who rahen…jin par hum chalte rahe

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Holding on...

My love!! I am back. A lot has changed since my last post. I have made my entry in to the corporate jungle. And what a jungle it is! The journey began with a huge set back. A dear friend who was supposed to join with me has found another calling. This further reinforced my belief that relationships are painful indeed. I am still trying to adapt and live with the other fellows. They are nice people and now I think it’s safe to call them friends. The transition from campus to corporate is not easy and so we were made to attend a number of workshops. In one of the workshops we were asked to relate ourselves to a cartoon character and I saw myself as Alice, lost in her own wonderland. Really! I feel kind of lost somewhere. I can’t locate an anchor in this tense storm. Unable to use my wings, am drifting with the strong winds. The nightmares are back to haunt me. The other day I was so frightened that I started weeping. Are the nightmares raising their ugly heads because of my own insecurities? Pooh! I am writing after such a long gap and am vomiting all crap. However, this is my only way to express and introspect.

The last two working days were the best days at the organization. We had “About Me” sessions. We played fun games and even prepared a skit. Now! I never knew that I could act. This was a revelation of sorts. I did justice to my role and got compliments too. However, I wanted to play the seducing manager but I guess I was not assertive enough to take my stand. I saw the mirror in these two days and the reflection was not at all pleasing. In team tasks, I saw myself struggling really hard to make my ideas heard. This frustrated me. I gave up. Friends saw the frustration. I don’t know why people are not willing to listen and treat others with respect. Working in teams is tougher than I had thought before. If this was the trailer, then I am not at all willing to watch the movie. During “value talks” I was choked with emotion. We were told to fill in the goal sheets and I was all blank. I went up to the trainer to clarify my problems regarding attitude goals. My query was a Googly and for a moment he was taken aback. He answered it though and the answer was a shock for me. Those words have disturbed my center of gravity.

Moreover, I believe the jaded feeling that has enveloped me these days is a part of the puzzle. I am fed up of self. This is perhaps the reason for my silly behavior. I am spending money on silly stuff, writing shit (this post) and treating my friends like dirt. I am not a loyal friend. I am unable to relate my notions to them even after their prompts neither am ears to their tribulations.They are incredibly good to me and i don't reciprocate that.

I believe I belong to the league of famous personalities like Van Gogh and Virginia Woolf :P They took their own lives out of boredom or some psychological disorders. Though, in terms of talent I am no where as of now. I have started fearing myself. A black hole is attracting me, however I am still holding on. Holding on to those who care, those who mean the world to me and the simple pleasures of life

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My First Love :P

I have been out of touch with self for long. Haphazard thoughts have been strolling in my mind but I couldn’t draw anything tangible from those or perhaps I didn’t put in much effort. I don’t feel stable and grounded any more. Whenever I try to catch those thoughts, they take to the air. It seems my creative and mental faculties are going astray. Enough of me. I intended to reminisce about my first love and look at the coincidence, the very same notebook in which I jotted down these points had extracts from those days.

Physics was my first serious love. I was enamored by the Classical laws and theories. The affection started sprouting eight years back. But then, I also fancied Mr. Biology and Ms. Geography. Yes divided affection! Finally I picked one and embraced Ms. Physics with open arms. Like every other relationship, I had my share of testing times as well. Alien concepts like Differentiation, Integration, Dimensions and harmonic frequencies intimidated me. At the same time I was awed by relative velocities, Doppler’s effect, static electricity and particularly electromagnetism. The coefficient of friction tamed my steps on the greasy path of this association. I took in to alpha, mew, beta, gamma, theta like ABCD. The phenomenon of interference astonished me. I see it around me and within me. Each thought has a frequency and wavelength associated with it, which in turn are inversely proportional to each other. There are several thoughts racing around in our psyche at any instant. The wavelengths of these thoughts may superpose constructively or destructively depending on their phase. Whenever we think good of someone, focus on the positives and retain the optimistic outlook, the energy within us amplifies. Or in other words, all the noble thoughts superpose and give us constructive interference. The feel good factor amplifies further and makes us energetic. On the other hand, the ill thoughts of varying wavelength superpose destructively and give us a ‘sapped’ feeling. This reminds me of Newton’s rings experiment conducted in dark room.

Newton’s classical laws are the foundations of the subject. The first law of inertia always reminds me of my indolence. I continue to be in my state of rest or of ignorance unless compelled by an external force of exams to change state. Third law of action and reaction is quiet common in a metropolitan like Delhi. A slight err on the roads in market place leads to reactions like “Bc, Ch#@*”. Then I was familiarized with modern physics. It is entirely based on Probability. Somehow, I wasn’t keen on it. Thus, began the exponential decay of our relationship.

As they say, excess of something or someone is harmful. That is what happened with me as well. The repulsive forces had come into being and the intensity of attraction was reducing progressively. Was it out of ennui? Or maybe it had to do with my “desire for a change”. I didn’t want to continue further with that affair. I grew out of it. We parted ways amiably. No grudges and hard feelings. I am still fond of her but the sentiment is not what it used to be. The first love always remains special and it occupies an exclusive spot in my heart. I am longing for her tonight as I write this. I wish I had a time machine to travel back into those days. Again, as per the postulates of Theory of relativity, one has to travel at the speed of light to turn back time. Possible? What say?

I caught a glimpse of fog through my window last night. Don't know what made me venture out and capture the dreamy night at an insane hour.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

कुछ कहना चाहती थी
मगर लफ्ज़ ज़हन में ही कैद रह गए
तुम्हारी ख़ुशी और गम्म का रस लेना चाहती थी
किन्तु रस भोगने के लिए अपने आइने समान ह्रदय के टुकड़े समेट ना सकी

उस गुपत्गु में दिल्ले बय्याँ करना चाहती थी
मगर तुम्हारी आँखों के नूर पर परछाई नहीं देख पाती 
उन कमज़ोर लम्हों में एक सहारे की तालाश थी
लेकिन जिसे हम सहारा समझ बैठे वो एक परछाई निकली

चित के प्रेत दिल और दिमाग पर हावी होने लगे
ख्वाब और नींद भी साथ छोड़ गए
अपने अक्स से नफरत सी होनी लगी थी
खोखली ही सही, मगर तुम्हरी हंसी में हम भी हँसे

तुम्हारे क़दमों से कदम मिला न सके
काश तुमने एक बार मुड के देखा होता
तुम ना सही तुम्हारे साए से ही हम बतिया लिया करते थे  

     Image sourced from deviantART   

A conversation in the dead of night with a friend inspired this poem.