Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My First Love :P

I have been out of touch with self for long. Haphazard thoughts have been strolling in my mind but I couldn’t draw anything tangible from those or perhaps I didn’t put in much effort. I don’t feel stable and grounded any more. Whenever I try to catch those thoughts, they take to the air. It seems my creative and mental faculties are going astray. Enough of me. I intended to reminisce about my first love and look at the coincidence, the very same notebook in which I jotted down these points had extracts from those days.

Physics was my first serious love. I was enamored by the Classical laws and theories. The affection started sprouting eight years back. But then, I also fancied Mr. Biology and Ms. Geography. Yes divided affection! Finally I picked one and embraced Ms. Physics with open arms. Like every other relationship, I had my share of testing times as well. Alien concepts like Differentiation, Integration, Dimensions and harmonic frequencies intimidated me. At the same time I was awed by relative velocities, Doppler’s effect, static electricity and particularly electromagnetism. The coefficient of friction tamed my steps on the greasy path of this association. I took in to alpha, mew, beta, gamma, theta like ABCD. The phenomenon of interference astonished me. I see it around me and within me. Each thought has a frequency and wavelength associated with it, which in turn are inversely proportional to each other. There are several thoughts racing around in our psyche at any instant. The wavelengths of these thoughts may superpose constructively or destructively depending on their phase. Whenever we think good of someone, focus on the positives and retain the optimistic outlook, the energy within us amplifies. Or in other words, all the noble thoughts superpose and give us constructive interference. The feel good factor amplifies further and makes us energetic. On the other hand, the ill thoughts of varying wavelength superpose destructively and give us a ‘sapped’ feeling. This reminds me of Newton’s rings experiment conducted in dark room.

Newton’s classical laws are the foundations of the subject. The first law of inertia always reminds me of my indolence. I continue to be in my state of rest or of ignorance unless compelled by an external force of exams to change state. Third law of action and reaction is quiet common in a metropolitan like Delhi. A slight err on the roads in market place leads to reactions like “Bc, Ch#@*”. Then I was familiarized with modern physics. It is entirely based on Probability. Somehow, I wasn’t keen on it. Thus, began the exponential decay of our relationship.

As they say, excess of something or someone is harmful. That is what happened with me as well. The repulsive forces had come into being and the intensity of attraction was reducing progressively. Was it out of ennui? Or maybe it had to do with my “desire for a change”. I didn’t want to continue further with that affair. I grew out of it. We parted ways amiably. No grudges and hard feelings. I am still fond of her but the sentiment is not what it used to be. The first love always remains special and it occupies an exclusive spot in my heart. I am longing for her tonight as I write this. I wish I had a time machine to travel back into those days. Again, as per the postulates of Theory of relativity, one has to travel at the speed of light to turn back time. Possible? What say?

I caught a glimpse of fog through my window last night. Don't know what made me venture out and capture the dreamy night at an insane hour.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

कुछ कहना चाहती थी
मगर लफ्ज़ ज़हन में ही कैद रह गए
तुम्हारी ख़ुशी और गम्म का रस लेना चाहती थी
किन्तु रस भोगने के लिए अपने आइने समान ह्रदय के टुकड़े समेट ना सकी

उस गुपत्गु में दिल्ले बय्याँ करना चाहती थी
मगर तुम्हारी आँखों के नूर पर परछाई नहीं देख पाती 
उन कमज़ोर लम्हों में एक सहारे की तालाश थी
लेकिन जिसे हम सहारा समझ बैठे वो एक परछाई निकली

चित के प्रेत दिल और दिमाग पर हावी होने लगे
ख्वाब और नींद भी साथ छोड़ गए
अपने अक्स से नफरत सी होनी लगी थी
खोखली ही सही, मगर तुम्हरी हंसी में हम भी हँसे

तुम्हारे क़दमों से कदम मिला न सके
काश तुमने एक बार मुड के देखा होता
तुम ना सही तुम्हारे साए से ही हम बतिया लिया करते थे  

     Image sourced from deviantART   

A conversation in the dead of night with a friend inspired this poem.