Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Turned 22 on 22!

It was my B'day two days back.I so wanted to publish this post on 22nd but somehow couldn't make it.So,I guess Xmas eve was meant to be 'the' day.This B'day was somehow special for two reasons.I came into this world on a freezing
cold evening of Monday,22nd December,1986.This birthday also happened to fall on Monday.Moreover,i have completed twenty-two years of my life and the digits sum up to four.The date 22nd also sums up to four.Hence,in a way this birthday was unique in itself.

Unlike this year,It was exceptionally chilly on the day i was born.On top of it,terrorism was at its peak in Bathinda those days.My nani often talks about her experience of that train journey.In those days there was only one train to Bathinda in a day and that too late at night.

On that fateful day,when train was nearing Punjab,it was stopped in the middle of nowhere and all kinds of rumors about train being hijacked started flying around.After around half an hour the train finally started and snaked its way into Bathinda.

The agony of those few hours instantly vanished at the moment she held me in her hands.Being the first child, i was the pomegranate of everyone's eyes.
I'd say pomegranate because i was absolutely crazy about those crystal red beads.I think i was amazingly cute and my parents were quite proud of the 'final product'.
By the way every child is cute but I'll be partial towards me.I was pampered like every other child and i really wish i could turn the wheels of time and relive those years again.

As they say every dog has his day,birthday was my day.Right from distant relatives to long lost fellow classmates,many called up.People with whom i never really interacted much,in college too surprisingly called up.But here's goes the irony,two of my gang members still have no clue about my birthday.They were the ones with whom i celebrated all my birthdays in college.Weird!

I shouldn't hold any grudges but their hypocrisy never ceases to amaze me.Don't know why but,they forget my birthday only.Things changed a lot after a tiff in final
year,though we patched up but i knew from inside that its never gonna be the same again.I'm reminded of words from Careless Whispers
...though its easy to pretend, I know you are not a fool...i'm never gonna dance again the way i danced with you...
.What a lovely song,its one of my favorites.A wise man has said 'Life is too short to hold grudges' so i don't really give a damn.
In the next call,they'll make excuses and with their wise tactics impress me again.

This birthday was a subdued one.For a change,i personally attended all the calls on the landline phone unlike previous years.I had planned to visit my birthplace this year,damn these exams.Few friends complained about my cell being switched off at night but old habits die hard and like every other night i switched it off.A friend called up on landline phone at night and i really appreciate her impromptu gesture.There are some people with whom you feel a connection.You need not say anything, its anytime understood.She is one of those.


This little piece of cake is for my blog,which is now an indispensable part of my life

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Is this a coincidence?

The first voice i heard today in the morning was of a terrorist asking for the release of fellow Mujhaidins.I woke up instantly and saw the rushes of a hotel on fire,bodies being taken to hospitals,a bleeding child etc. India is in the grip of terror again.This is being touted as the worst act of terrorism on India.In fact a news channel called it 9/11 of India.Nothing new,i guess!Repeated occurrences of terror attacks have made us callous by now.They can't scare us anymore.

The moment i picked up today's newspaper i was totally shocked and it had nothing to do with this terrorism thing.Yesterday itself i posted about 'Death' and i happened to mention about bomb blasts.I had written about death and more than hundred people were killed last night.Post coming up hours before that attack,was it just a mere coincidence?Now i am getting a creepy feeling.I read somewhere that there's no such thing as coincidence.Everything happens as per destiny.Did my sub conscience have a bleak signal about this upcoming tragedy?Or am i uselessly creating a mountain out of a mole hill?Can't make out yet.

Yesterday i was uselessly blabbering about a minor issue and now when i see the bigger picture i realize my insanity .Sometimes you get so much entangled in your own web you fail to see that you are going deeper and deeper without realizing the futility of the entire exercise.Thanks to a wise friend I'm glad I'm out of all that,at least for now.

When you look around the world you realize that there are bigger and more important issues which people are coping with and then you realize that yours was not an issue in the first place! After all we are nothing but a small entity in this infinite universe and the moment you realize that,your so called issues themselves start fading.

PS: May the souls of departed rest in peace and i wish for quick recovery of the injured.Amen

Embrace thy fears and death

The word 'death' arouses an enigmatic feeling within me and that feeling is dark,mystic and intriguing.This may sound weird but it evokes a sense of thrill within me.On the contrary people usually hush away this topic.During our chatty sessions at night whenever i have inadvertently touched upon this subject of discussion I'm interrupted and the topic is changed quickly.I'm told that its not appropriate to discuss about these things and here I'm writing up a full-fledged blog [:p](a friend also suggested this topic).A friend who knows palm reading,once told me that my lifeline is short and I'll die young.I was actually glad to hear that,after all who wants to stay for long in this big bad world.The same night i casually told my parents that i want an electronic or a CNG cremation for myself,after all i don't want to increase my carbon footprint in this era of global warming.They were like 'now where does this come from?' and changed the topic again.Later that night as i pondered over it, i realized that life shouldn't be too short either.
I want to do this...meet so and so ...before i die,so please don't call me too early
I told god and made an agreement.That was about three years back.There's the catch.On one hand we see death as an escape from all our worldly troubles and on the other hand we crave to savor the sinful temptations of this world.These temptations make us hold onto life a little longer.

The sunset and sunrise everyday reminds us of the life-death cycle yet we are so involved in our materialistic and bodily pursuits(ahem!)that we loose touch with reality.Moreover our inflated egos further blinds us from reality.Have you noticed your thoughts when you see images of mutilated and bleeding blast victims,earth quake victims or other casualties?Usually they are like "thank god we are safe","that can't happen to us","lucky to escape that" and so on.Why do we realize the degree of uncertainty in life only when we are confronted with a near death experience or when we bid farewell to a loved one?

Few months back I read a book Many Lives,many masters by Dr. Brien Weiss.The book talks about past lives and reincarnations and how our present lives are affected by our past lives.It gives an insight into what really happens when one dies.One gets to see the divine light and then the soul is floating above the dead body.That book added fuel to my curiosity.I don't know why i feel drawn to these mystic phenomena.This occult stuff is attracting me like a magnet.Eventually my curiosity took over and i Googled past life.A number of links for past life analysis showed up and i selected one of those,this what i got

Your past life diagnosis:


I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Yugoslavia around the year 1250. Your profession was that of a chemist, alchemist or poison manufacturer.


Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.


The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to conquer jealousy and anger in yourself and then in those who will select you as their guide. You should understand that these weaknesses are caused by fear and self-regret.


Do you remember now?


No, i still don't remember anything as of now!!
I guess i still am a practical person and i am a materialist as well.So it could be partly true.Look at the way technology is progressing,algorithms are being designed to determine your past life!Its like marrying technology with occult sciences.

Many of us fear death,even i do but after reading that book i look at it from a different sphere.Death is nothing but a transformation of your soul from one body to another.As Bhagvad Geeta puts it,its as simple as changing your clothes.Its easy to say all this isn't it.However,suicides and murders still mystify me.I wonder whether those people were destined to die like that or have they interfered with their destiny?If they have,then do they repent for that in their next life?
Just like you can't choose your teacher,boss and your parents,you can't choose your death(Just imagine,what if we could?There shall be no element of uncertainity at all).As i have been told,i do want to die young but i wish few desires of mine get fulfilled before i bid farewell to this world and one of them is getting to meet all of my soul mates.Off late I've been reading up on this and its quite intriguing.
No wonder,I've got some food for thought.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Respect the uniqness plz!!

Few notions have been lingering in my mind for the past three weeks or rather i should say a series of events seeded these concerns of mine.
Whenever we meet a person, be it an acquaintance or somebody we are meeting for the first time,packets of remarks are dispersed in our intellect."She looks ill","That color doesn't look nice on him","Here she comes,I don't wanna face her" etc.These comments either flash for a microsecond and disappear or lead to some more casual remarks,depending upon our environment.At times we even articulate these remarks but that depends on the level of intimacy we share with that person.

In our society there are certain conventions regarding the behavior and personality of a person.If somebody talks too much we are like "He's a pain in the a**,a complete nuisance!!" and on the other hand if we come across somebody who's reclusive we go like "Uff,he's so quiet.He always bores me to death!!".What makes us think like this?Just because the other person is different from the usual guy/gal you bump into everyday,you kind of label him into another category?This categorization infuriates me and more so when somebody advices "change".

I marvel at the permutations in the personality traits of each individual.So there has to be extremes at both the ends of this spectrum.Each one of us unique in some way or the other and i think we need to acknowledge that individuality rather than imposing our beliefs.I think these beliefs have been embedded in our sub conscious minds and they somehow influence the way we think.

In the last few days there has been a sudden surge in the number of people calling me "reclusive,introverted etc.".Initially i didn't mind these because I am not ashamed of being one but when you get to hear these every second day you tend to loose it.On top of it there's this advice to "change".That hits my nerves.I mean this is not some kind of disease that one needs to get rid of.Why don't people let the other person be the way he/she is?This reaction of mine might be immature but i had to pour it out.A well wisher told me my "ajna" thing is completely blocked and i need 'to take it easy!!'.Guess what! now I'm feeling lighter.Writing always works like medicine for me.But now,i am a getting a feeling that whatever I've written is all bull shit but that is not my concern(its the reader's!!).

In the past twenty years of my life I've had people who have taken undue advantage of my introverted disposition.I've been taken for granted and back stabbed.At a time i had nobody whom i could trust and actually call a real 'friend'.I am sure I'll come across more of such experiences in future and hopefully I'll handle those in a dignified manner.

As a society we have progressed tremendously.There are talks of landing on moon by 2020 but our minds are still clinging onto stereotypes.Just look at the way our government has brushed up the issue of legalizing homosexuality by declaring it as a disease.Couples in live-in relationships still find it hard to rent an apartment in a metropolitan city like Delhi.Noses were turned up even in an institution like St. Stephens at the proposal of a co-ed hostel.There are several India's existing in our India and i wonder when these India's shall unite.