Wednesday, December 14, 2011

'I wanna die...please kill me' said he. Choked emotions poured out, the seed had never been this hopeless before.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The sprouting seed's agony is oblivious to the world around, for he is buried deep down in the lap of mother earth. His tears are rendered inconspicuous by the darkness i.e. absence of light. The light, that nurtures and harbors. The darkness seems like eternity and yet the seed nurses hope of growth...

Monday, September 5, 2011

Mirage

Rusty snuggled up against my legs, indulging in the warmth. I caressed his lustrous coat, affection glittered in his jet black eyes “You so enjoy that Rusty don’t you? Naughty doggie, now move away and have your meal”. He whimpered “Rusty I want to reminisce, please!” his eyes had those pleading looks “So very smart of you! OK you are my best friend, if you want to be here then sit quietly!” He quickly curled up near the chair and looked at me with raised eyebrows. I cleared my throat, adjusted my spectacles, closed my eyes and focused on the gentle back and forth motion of rocking chair. “What a journey!” I marvel and smile. I opened my eyes and pulled a bronze shaded hardback photo album. The album’s title read ‘Golden Era-Bronze conceals Gold'; this intriguing title had captivated me many moons ago and I bought it right away from an antique shop .

My wrinkled fingers browsed the ‘Golden Era’ embossing. I wasn’t very much into preserving pictures for memories sake in those days. For me, memories were meant to reside in hearts rather than being frozen on paper prints. A picture in print was an indication of ‘end of physical proximity’; despite of harboring those beliefs I don't know why I purchased that album.

Sigh…I have had a fairly satisfactory journey so far. I have a superb family, met remarkable people and had endearing friends. Granddaughter, my little princess visits me every weekend. She keeps me going in the twilight of my life. In an old age home, it gets monotonous at times for there are same old wrinkled faces all around. Young blood is inimitable. That reminds me of my University days. How we girls spent hours in ‘Bird Watching’:P Nowadays, it's the buoyancy of my spirited buddies that keeps me going at this place, i glanced at Rusty. Rusty was four months old when i saw him for the first time at my friend's place. His innocent eyes had entranced me. She was looking for an owner and i being a gracious soul adopted him. And my of course, my Princess, I am reliving my childhood days with her and she says she aspires to be like me. I coax her to be herself and carve her own niche identity.

Teleportation is the best scientific innovation so far. It is so magical! I mean all you have to do is imagine and Huf-Puf! You land at that place! Star War style. The other day I had those shopping cravings so guess what! I landed in streets of Paris and bought an elegant Hat and a pearl necklace :P And Hey! Its Mercy’s birthday today, let me ‘Face time’ with her. Switched off! Sigh! She was a ‘good friend’ once upon time. Though, she still is but our definitions of ‘Good Friend’ got unsynchronized as time passed by. The equations got somewhat imbalanced and things were never the same again. And with others as well the gaps grew. We all try and meet once near the lake on last Saturday of each month, some make it, some don’t. I somehow knew all along that a phase would come when intimacy would gradually fade and yet deep inside I was worried. It finally happened and we all are living with it. I am still fond of my gang, they've made me the person that I am today and we all have a hearty laugh reminiscing old times.

Rusty is getting irritated “Sit down boy; I am not so young you see!” I guess I’ll have to take him out for fresh air, he's not at all patient.I glanced at the bronze book ‘Next time Darling’ and the album went back to the shelf. I wore my ‘not so new, not so old’ hat, walking shoes and grabed the umbrella. Rusty and I face the mirror "Man! i still have that charm :P" Wink! Wink! I close my eyes and Huf-Puf!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Wavey mind!

I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I am so pissed off with me and others. I don’t know why I am feeling so let down. The recurring phenomenon of bad dreams has started corroding my psyche. I have heard that dreams are a reflection of subconscious mind so that implies that something somewhere within is just not right. But who’s going to sort out this mess? To clean up all one has to plunge in deep shit and am not very willing to do that. I just want to forget all and let things be and am hoping that this approach works. Period!!

There are times when I turn in and start observing the perennial wave of thoughts in order to tame those. Osho calls for observation of this wave, the observation gradually subdues those and they eventually dissolve in space. This is my mind’s graph. Crests and troughs...straight line again followed by crests and troughs. Strange na!! This instability drives me insane at times, at one moment I am calm as a sea and the next instant I venture into a forest of fantasy or ride on the roller coaster ride of emotions.

What a beautiful garden our mind is!! I want to take walk, there I go :) Cya

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Nearing the quarter milestone...Shit


Life…beautiful and a bit messy: P I have almost made it to the quarter milestone of life’s my journey and I don’t know how many more such milestones are to be traversed. Shit! It’s like a simple labyrinth. I almost have all that I had wished for (or do I?), intentionally or otherwise. A job...Check and hey I so wanted to work for PwC and yes am supposedly employed by them, cool environment at work...Check, monthly pay...uhmm can say not bad! But it’s far behind my set target for this milestone. Diamonds...check plus a rider, they are not self bought. A PSP and an ipod... a big question mark! Good friends...Check! Friends for life...uhmm can’t say! Attend a close friend’s marriage...naah not yet. Movie every weekend...forget it! A nice long relaxing holiday...?? A friend to share all at workplace...CHECK! Lucky me...I literally spend my entire day with her 5 days a week! My own car...sighs!! Only in my dream. Personal growth...uhmm yes sort of. Variety in wardrobe...well yes but there’s still lots more stuff to experiment with.

My report card isn’t that bad so Hurray! Look at me! The head is full of crap and shit...see! I so used to play with words and get it all down so effortlessly. Damn! That’s a BIG red mark on my report card. Well, I had ambitions of carving a book in solitude at a nice cottage in a hilly place with a cute kitty by my side. Now, it seems that’s never ever gonna happen. Writing made me feel special and now it seems like an identity crisis to me, thanks to this writer's block. Writing was spiritual for me, I felt centered and connected. At times, I wonder whether I have lost it because of the inflating ego balloon within. I used to be so humble and now I lose my cool so easily. And very often the anger swells up and converts into tears...I so hate that moment. Later on, when I look back at those random outbursts of mine I go like ‘So stupid of me’! My god!! The last one was so...forget it!!

Here I go,stuck in the middle again. I wish there was a medicine to cure this writer’s block...Shit!