Sunday, April 11, 2010

Null effect

Greatest is the man who knows himself inside out. I was under the wrong impression that I knew myself pretty well until yesterday. One of my close friends threw extra luminous light on that area. Caught me at last!! Browsing my previous scribbling in this notebook (where I wrote this in ink) made me sit up and take notice of the quantum leap in my thinking factory. God! I was so good at this writing business in those days. I adore the way I connected and weaved magic into ideas and words. I used to be so connected with the soul within. WOW! Now, I wonder on which street I have lost the number to link within.

On the facade everything looks well and feels great. However when I look closer beneath the lens, it’s all dark. Delving deeper like a curious kid with widened eyes I perceive vacuum and technically it is known as “NULL”. This NULL brings about a “something amiss” sentiment. I eagerly look forward to Friday evening on each day of the week and when it’s the weekend days I no longer enjoy weekend outings the way I used to. Every morning I have to push myself to get to work. There’s absolutely nothing to look forward to in the day. Very often the gravitational force plays with my center of gravity and it sinks to the bottom. This reminds of Archimedes’ principle of buoyancy. To stay afloat a body has to displace fluid equal to its weight. Now, am I not displacing “ “? But then displace what? Waves within are interfering destructively these days. The source of light needs to be aligned properly so as to enable them to interfere constructively. I am so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful and not so wonderful people.

At times I get thoughts like “I want to stay alone few years down the line” and then there are moments when I want to voice my chain of thoughts but I am stuck with “To whom should I narrate?” and then that chain gradually drowns in the sea of NULL. It’s kind of funny isn’t it? Quite similar to the situation of a five year old who wants to narrate his innocuous opinions to an unwilling elder sibling. And when probed further by his granny he has nothing to say. That’s how it is with me these days.

At times my “state of disbelief” shows on my countenance and I have people questioning me. I shrug it off as “nothing, just bored” for I have no words to express the ever expanding vacuum effect. Very often I successfully befool myself but eyes and mirror never lie. Those eyes in the reflection always arrest me. And it’s not just those deep eyes. There are smart friends and family members who somehow catch this strange signal of Null effect. Questions are bowled and I hit them to the off-side. Hahaha…such a “womp” I am. Really, it amuses me and it amuses them as well :P I am treading dangerously on the thin line of trust. But I am loving this game :D Gives me a strange pleasure….Such a “Womp” I am.


Angelina said...


Love, love, the picture.

monica said...

Hii Angelina

Thanks for dropping by :)

sobhit said...

u lost ur writing streak?? who told u dat.. get outta dat impression.. u were gud n only getin bttr.. u still hv dat way wid words n d writing busines is still hot 4u :P :P... i liked d post bttr dan d fiction ones.. (okay no comparison 4 d genre is diif)..mayb 4i cud connect wid wot is bein said here :P :P am i ?? dunno d NULL efffect i guess tks control.... but personally i like readin thots n exprnces rathr dan fiction , jst a personal chioce... read it 2wc.. n looked 4 womp on wikipedia :P :P got nothin den google came 2 rescue n recollectd recess.. n u said u r losing d art f writing?? think again

mayb am beni a lil dramatic here :P :P but reading it paint a pic in black in white like in movies wen a story in bein told in d backgrnd n frames r being passd thru.... dunno if d sinking gravity n all got sorted out ... but all dat sure bot out a prtty gud post f u... u relate things arnd really kool.. like a kid who wants to share wid his elder sibling but dey show no interest n d granny gets no nothin evn aftr askind d kiddo :P :P... in dis case d granny is not telling wen askd abt by d kiddo n elder siblings tho pata ni kaun hai..
but gud u tried 2 get it out on d blog.. masst hai :P :P baki itna koi bada issue hai ni yeh sab.. so chill :P :P :P :P :P lol cud leave a chain f des smileys here..

PS d way u nvr 4get physics n weave in sm or d odr law or pronciple here in der in lifes practical aspect is commandable... kudos 2 dat.. looking 4wrd 2 readin more f ur thots n hopefully d NULL effect wud b thing f past... but past often comes 2 haunt us isnt it so ???? :P :P :P... dats sm law of life i guess... but "lil" dat i knw u... u sure will nullify n NULL effect itself soon keep posting.. hopefully d nxt post wil follw soon enuf... :D

Apara said...

hey gal..U write awesome..loved it!