Monday, November 19, 2012

Navigating Through Labryinth

Wealth, career, relationships, emotions, marriage etc. Phew!! People belonging to my age bracket are all jostling or are trying to come to terms with such issues. And i happen to belong to the same league, trying to make my way through the labyrinth! At times,  i wonder why do we get so entangled with these miniature issues that we fail to see a bigger picture. Thanks to spiritual masters, i am slowly realizing that rather than merely existing like all other life forms we need to add value to our life and make appropriate use of our human body. Aren't we supposed to spread the smiles around and help to this make a world better place? How are we gonna contribute when we don't rise above such trivial stuff. I have vivid memories of i how wanted to be actively involved in bringing about improvements in the society at one point of time. How i had an opinion on every other issue and i loved debating with like-minded people on those. Wow! that was me around...uhmm around 6 years back.

In between, ambitions like grabbing a good job opportunity, earning well and charting a steady growth path, all the visionary stuff kind of lots its relevance. Really, life seemed like a race and i didn't want to be left behind my peers. I had a comfortable job, earned a decent living, went places, spent the money lavishly and i thought wow!! this is life! The ambitions grew further and i turned a blind eye towards the social stuff. A play of politics at work or should i say a twist of fate intervened and i was out of work for months. In those months, i started realized the futility of my material desires. I discovered that social connections are indeed strongly linked to an individual's professional stature and paycheck. And what a harsh truth it is!

The dots are now slowly connecting, and yes i am beginning to realize that it all had a purpose. Now, with guru's grace, i am being presented with opportunities to work for the welfare of society. The futile desires are gradually receding and i no longer want every other fashionable apparel in my closet or watch a movie every weekend. I am in no mad-rush like others and am miles and miles behind in the rat race. At work-front, i have made peace with my profession and don't loath the work anymore. I see it at as a duty and give my cent percent efforts and that is partly attributable to the absence of dirty mud-slinging politics. Yes, dear blog! i am changing for good. The process of transformation is shaping me up and would gradually reveal the diamond within.

I am savoring bliss and the nectar of gratitude, i have had those moments when tears of divine love and gratitude rolled down my cheeks. It is said that in those moments that you truly live your life and all thanks to Guruji's grace, i have experienced those. At times, when someone asks 'what is it that you really wish for?' i go totally blank. Really, the desires are fading away and i believe that whatever i need would be taken care of. Though, there are still dilemmas, dark spots and certain nick-nacks that are not yet plugged. I have faith that they would be taken care of by divine powers in the best possible way.

At times i feel like i am Mr. Darcy's reincarnation :P Really! i am grossly misunderstood by people, i find it hard to express and my arrogance is mostly perceived as 'not interested'. Does that bother me? Well! not much now i would say, but it still pinches at times when i am not able to get my point across. It hurts when i see people on the wrong path and i am unable to do anything about it. With time, i hope the feeling of contentment is gonna plug all the loop holes and i'll achieve the ultimate purpose of life. And i sincerely hope that i pen down and publish the book within :) Someday yes, it would happen!!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Dear Life

I know you are doing well. Day by day I am beginning to acknowledge your omnipresent existence. Is it because I don’t have much to do nowadays? Or has the sudden deluge of infelicities made me meditate? Maybe both. Today I thought of stopping by and write in all my qualms.

 I would like to start by expressing my appreciation. You are doing a pretty good job of instigating sharp twists and turns in my journey on this planet.Needs skilful maneuvering to survive! But I am managing…learning on the wheel and yeah enjoying the Zig Zags. In fact, where’s the fun in traveling on a smooth and straight path? That would tend to get monotonous after sometime and I won't be able to withstand humdrum. So a thundering round of applause and “Bravo’s” for you :)

 Now, let me show you the other view behind the fence. Man! You fuck head on and I am flabbergasted. I had never ever envisioned such dark times. We never foresee ill-fortune do we? And why should we? Life is beautiful anyway isn’t it! When everything is perfect we are like Wow! We exclaim ‘Living it up!’, ‘Living life king size’. Life! You appear tamed then and we mortals are gratified. Everything is in control. But you! Yes you! You don’t like being laid against your will. Springing up uncannily is your style! I like it ;) Bows!

 There are days when I wake up with disbelief. Why am I here? What should I do to add value to my existence? They say life is a precious gift bestowed only on special ones and I embrace this gift. However, I don’t want you to drag my role in this rule driven drama. Inertia is corroding my zeal and mediocrity is throwing me off-balance. I am not giving my cent percent to anything! Anything! Indeed! I am a good for nothing fellow nowadays. A burden that is to be disposed off to another house soon…read Marriage!

A chain of irrational rules has wounded my core. Their grip tightens with even a slight hint of resistance. Yet these constraints can’t deter my spirits. No matter how adverse the circumstances become, they can’t put a brake on my train of whims and dreams. Those can’t be taken away from me. My dear life, you are sweet, bitter and sometimes you have that sweet-bitter combo taste. I don’t like the bitter one but then medicines are mostly bitter in taste. Wise women and men say that hardships bring out the best in you, an aspect of your being which was undiscovered. They carve your character and make you stronger. Well! They are wise people and I am not going to counter their experience and knowledge. So, I see, that pain is important to grow, be wise and smart. WTF! I am growing but where is this growth leading me to? You would say, be patient and trust me. I trust you but how long is this wait? This is not trust you would say! Phew! You have spared no other option for me. Years later, I am sure I’ll be able to look back with relief and connect the dots together. You must be wondering, I complain a lot :P Sigh! I concede!

 Today is Good Friday!
He was oppressed, and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not His mouth. – Isaiah 53:7
Strange, something similar happened with me today. I am not comparing my trade-off with the sacrifice made by Lord Jesus. Yet, I couldn't overlook the analogy. Perhaps, I could be asked to let go my aspirations and settle for a 'Safe and Happy' life. People shall refer to me as a "loser" or "submissive lady who couldn't even stand up for her own beliefs and desires". And in the process, I will end up hurting friends who care for me, for no fault of theirs. Nevertheless, I will withstand these blames with patience and faith. Life, I pray for strength to endure and defy. Deep within, I know you shall not let me down and I won't drown my spirit yet. Will hold on! After all,there's Easter to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ after Good Friday. I believe in happy endings :)

Warrior :P