R U M I N A T I O N S

'I wanna die...please kill me' said he. Choked emotions poured out, the seed had never been this hopeless before.

The sprouting seed's agony is oblivious to the world around, for he is buried deep down in the lap of mother earth. His tears are rendered inconspicuous by the darkness i.e. absence of light. The light, that nurtures and harbors. The darkness seems like eternity and yet the seed nurses hope of growth...

Rusty snuggled up against my legs, indulging in the warmth. I caressed his lustrous coat, affection glittered in his jet black eyes “You so enjoy that Rusty don’t you? Naughty doggie, now move away and have your meal”. He whimpered “Rusty I want to reminisce, please!” his eyes had those pleading looks “So very smart of you! OK you are my best friend, if you want to be here then sit quietly!” He quickly curled up near the chair and looked at me with raised eyebrows. I cleared my throat, adjusted my spectacles, closed my eyes and focused on the gentle back and forth motion of rocking chair. “What a journey!” I marvel and smile. I opened my eyes and pulled a bronze shaded hardback photo album. The album’s title read ‘Golden Era-Bronze conceals Gold'; this intriguing title had captivated me many moons ago and I bought it right away from an antique shop . My wrinkled fingers browsed the ‘Golden Era’ embossing. I wasn’t very much into preserving pictures for memories sake in those days. ...

I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I am so pissed off with me and others. I don’t know why I am feeling so let down. The recurring phenomenon of bad dreams has started corroding my psyche. I have heard that dreams are a reflection of subconscious mind so that implies that something somewhere within is just not right. But who’s going to sort out this mess? To clean up all one has to plunge in deep shit and am not very willing to do that. I just want to forget all and let things be and am hoping that this approach works. Period!! There are times when I turn in and start observing the perennial wave of thoughts in order to tame those. Osho calls for observation of this wave, the observation gradually subdues those and they eventually dissolve in space. This is my mind’s graph. Crests and troughs...straight line again followed by crests and troughs. Strange na!! This instability drives me insane at times, at one moment I am calm as a sea and the next instant I venture into a for...

Life…beautiful and a bit messy: P I have almost made it to the quarter milestone of life’s my journey and I don’t know how many more such milestones are to be traversed. Shit! It’s like a simple labyrinth. I almost have all that I had wished for (or do I?), intentionally or otherwise. A job...Check and hey I so wanted to work for PwC and yes am supposedly employed by them, cool environment at work...Check, monthly pay...uhmm can say not bad! But it’s far behind my set target for this milestone. Diamonds...check plus a rider, they are not self bought. A PSP and an ipod... a big question mark! Good friends...Check! Friends for life...uhmm can’t say! Attend a close friend’s marriage...naah not yet. Movie every weekend...forget it! A nice long relaxing holiday...?? A friend to share all at workplace...CHECK! Lucky me...I literally spend my entire day with her 5 days a week! My own car...sighs!! Only in my dream. Personal growth...uhmm yes sort of. Variety in wardrobe...well yes but the...